COMMERCIAL RADIO SERVICE
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, N. Y.
Program.........The Balbo Program No. 49
Station.........Ridi che ti Passa
Sponsor.........Balbo Oil Corporation
Date............Monday, November 10th, 1947
“Spirits in the House”
(1st Episode)
Characters
Francesco Trippa.................Gigi Mattioli
The Professor....................Giorgio Gatti
Assunta..........................Rosa Veneziani
Sound Effects
Opening Small Package
Door
“Balbo Program No. 49”
(Opening Theme...fade...)
ANNOUNCER: ... “Ridi che ti Passa”.... ... “Laugh it off”... the gay transcribed Comedy Program, brought to you daily - Monday through Saturday - at this time, by the packers and distributors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: “Balbo! ... the oil that gives you the most flavor at the lowest cost; for it is truly good, naturally pure and aromatic, easily digested, and always sold at a most reasonable price. In your own interest, therefore, insist that your grocer give you the gallon bearing the brand that is your guarantee of excellent quality and wise economy: the renowned ‘BALBO’ brand!” And now, without further ado, let us begin our program “Ridi che ti Passa”: fifteen minutes of pleasant entertainment with comedian Gigi Mattioli who - assisted by other talented artists - now brings us the first episode of the amusing comedy: “Spirits in the House.”
We are in the home of Francesco and Assunta Fippa: a couple who can boast that they have never quarreled even once in twenty-five years of marriage. Their relatives, friends, neighbors - everyone, in short - never tire of holding Francesco and Assunta up as models of perfect marital bliss. The action begins one evening as the husband returns home and says to his wife, who is waiting for him:
FRANCESCO: Eyes closed... eyes closed....
ASSUNTA: Oh, Francesco!.. You frightened me!.. Was the door open? I didn’t hear you come in....
FRANCESCO: Eyes closed.... Eyes closed and not a word!.. [handwritten: L...]
ASSUNTA: What is it? A surprise? Oh... you shouldn’t have spent the money....
FRANCESCO: First, a kiss....
ASSUNTA: Here’s your kiss... (Sound of kiss)
FRANCESCO: Now another one here... (another kiss)
ASSUNTA: Well... now let’s see....
FRANCESCO: Easy: I’ll open it... Come on, close your eyes....
ASSUNTA: Enough, enough... Stop acting like a boy... I don’t want you wasting so much money, Francesco....
FRANCESCO: Wasting it? Why, it’s a blessing to be able to bring home a little gift for a sweet, good, delightful little wife like you....
ASSUNTA: Yes, but every Wednesday... every week....
FRANCESCO: Wednesday is a fateful day in my life: I was born on a Wednesday, I met you on a Wednesday, and we were married on a Wednesday. So it must be celebrated. How many Wednesdays are there in a year? Fifty-two? Well then, fifty-two celebrations....
ASSUNTA: Don’t tell me you bought another ring?
FRANCESCO: No, ma’am: it isn’t a ring.
ASSUNTA: Then what is it? A bracelet?
FRANCESCO: Not that either....
ASSUNTA: Oh, go on, open that blessed box......
FRANCESCO: First, one more little kiss....
ASSUNTA: My goodness!.. If people could see us... After twenty-five years of marriage, with our hair nearly white....
FRANCESCO: People admire us... Mothers say to their daughters: “If only you could be as fortunate as Mrs. Assunta....”
(Sound - package being opened)
ASSUNTA: I know... And fathers say to their sons: “If only you could find the treasure Mr. Francesco found....” Oh, are they earrings? Let me see... Why, look how beautiful they are!....
FRANCESCO: Do you like them?
ASSUNTA: They’re lovely....
FRANCESCO: And do you know why I bought them?
ASSUNTA: Because these are the whims that come into your head on Wednesdays.
FRANCESCO: No. Because you stopped wearing earrings. And that was a mistake. A mistake because earrings look good on you... They’ve always looked good on you....
ASSUNTA: But what do you expect? I stay at home and seldom go out. Who would I wear earrings for?
FRANCESCO: For me... Don’t I seem important enough to be taken into consideration?
ASSUNTA: Indeed you do! You’re the only person who truly matters... Now that I know you like them, I’ll wear them all the time....
FRANCESCO: You see, my dear, other women follow fashion. But they don’t follow fashion to be admired by their husbands: they do it to be admired by others—their friends, strangers, people they meet in the street or in other people’s homes....
ASSUNTA: Surely you understand that one can’t dress at home the way one dresses to go to the theater.
FRANCESCO: Then fashion is useless. If it doesn’t serve to please a husband, it ought to be outlawed....
ASSUNTA: There are other ways to please a husband: a beautiful home, a lovely family, a good dinner....
FRANCESCO: Speaking of which: I noticed something when I came in....
ASSUNTA: Let’s see if you can guess.
FRANCESCO: Let me get a better whiff....
ASSUNTA: But you mustn’t uncover the casserole....
FRANCESCO: I’m not uncovering anything... (Sniffs) I’ve got it: stuffed peppers....
ASSUNTA: You’re a terrible cook when you cook with your nose....
FRANCESCO: Veal scallopini alla pizzaiola....
ASSUNTA: No... no....
FRANCESCO: It’s just that I smell... a smell... of....
ASSUNTA: I wanted to surprise you too... It’s a special dish, one you’re very fond of....
FRANCESCO: Artichokes......
ASSUNTA: 8 At last! Artichokes with prosciutto... And I found some that was truly excellent....
FRANCESCO: You’re adorable... Another kiss!....
ASSUNTA: Enough... enough... Now leave me alone. I want to finish preparing dinner....
FRANCESCO: Ah... artichokes with prosciutto.... (whistles) Artichokes with prosciutto....
(Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER: What peace, what harmony reigns in the home of Francesco and Assunta Trippa... Ah, we suspect that this blissful domestic serenity is due in large part to the excellent meals Mrs. Assunta knows how to prepare. Indeed, after eating food that is well cooked and well seasoned, one always feels a sense of well-being, tranquility, and complete satisfaction. And the oil used to prepare so many dishes is what can make a meal pleasing or displeasing, as the case may be. Oh, if you take care to use excellent BALBO oil, success is assured. The reason is very simple: BALBO oil is a well-balanced—perfect—and economical blend of the finest, tastiest, most nourishing oils; and its flavor is exceedingly pleasant, rich, and light. If you are not yet familiar with it, try your first gallon. You will be delighted, and you will always continue to prefer excellent BALBO OIL!
(Musical Bridge)
And now let us listen to the second part of today’s episode of the comedy “Spirits in the House,” presented by the Balbo Company and starring comedian Gigi Mattioli.
FRANCESCO: Come in, our dear Professor... Come in.... (Door)
PROFESSOR: Am I disturbing you?
FRANCESCO: You are always welcome....
PROFESSOR: Mrs. Assunta, my respects....
ASSUNTA: Good evening, Professor... Sit down... Sit here; you’ll be more comfortable....
FRANCESCO: We’ve just finished eating... Artichokes with prosciutto, my dear Professor... Ah!.. What an exquisite dish... It’s her specialty....
PROFESSOR: I know that Mrs. Assunta is an excellent cook....
FRANCESCO: No one can beat her in that department....
ASSUNTA: My husband exaggerates, Professor... Believe me, it’s a simple, homestyle dish, nothing extraordinary....
PROFESSOR: You are far too modest; but we know your merits very well.... By the way, I heard at the Club that they mean to give you a banquet....
FRANCESCO: Us?
PROFESSOR: Yes, the two of you....
ASSUNTA: And why?
PROFESSOR: As the most exemplary couple among all the residents of Montemarino.
ASSUNTA: Oh... come now... that’s too much....
PROFESSOR: The idea came from the editor of the weekly newspaper “The Citizen.” He says he’ll come and interview you in a few days to learn your secret, and then publish a long article in his paper....
ASSUNTA: What secret?
PROFESSOR: The art of living happily....
ASSUNTA: But I don’t believe the two of us possess any secret....
PROFESSOR: For years, people have always seen you together... always cheerful, smiling, in perfect agreement....
ASSUNTA: That’s true... Thank heaven, there has never been the slightest disagreement between us....
PROFESSOR: And you think that’s nothing? In times like ours, when husbands and wives begin quarreling even before they marry? Why, the two of you are a rarity, a couple truly worthy of going down in history....
FRANCESCO: I approve....
ASSUNTA: Of what, Francesco?
FRANCESCO: Both the Club’s initiative and the editor of The Citizen’s plan... Let him come... let him come and pay us a visit... I’ll tell him the secret of living happily as husband and wife.
PROFESSOR: Let’s hear it... let’s hear it... Let me in on it too... Initiate me into the school of happiness....
ASSUNTA: But you don’t need it....
PROFESSOR: Ah... it isn’t written that I must remain a bachelor all my life... Sooner or later, I too shall have to succumb....
FRANCESCO: Bravo!.. Take that step right away and, I assure you, you’ll feel much better...
PROFESSOR: What can I say... My profession... my scientific research...
FRANCESCO: You study too much, my dear Professor... Always lost in thought, always with your pockets full of books. You seem like a walking library...
PROFESSOR: You’re right... you’re right... There’s nothing to be gained by it...
FRANCESCO: And the spirits? Do you still speak with the spirits?
ASSUNTA: (Surprised) What spirits?
FRANCESCO: Ah, you don’t know? Our Professor is one of the most celebrated mediums in the world today...
PROFESSOR: Don’t say celebrated... don’t say celebrated... Merely an enthusiast... a scholar, that’s all...
ASSUNTA: And do you really speak with spirits?
PROFESSOR: I see your wife is surprised...
ASSUNTA: No... more than surprise me, it frightens me... Is it really true, then, that one can speak with the dead?
FRANCESCO: So it seems... I don’t put too much stock in it myself, though...
PROFESSOR: That’s a mistake, Mr. Francesco...
FRANCESCO: Oh, please, I mean no offense... I doubt neither your word nor your seriousness... But you see, Professor, it’s just that... certain things are like... How shall I put it?
PROFESSOR: I understand: unless you can touch something with your own hands...
FRANCESCO: Exactly. Unless you see it, you can’t believe it...
PROFESSOR: Perhaps one day we might conduct an experiment together... Just among ourselves, as a simple diversion...
ASSUNTA: No... no... I don’t want to be there...
PROFESSOR: Don’t be alarmed, madam... For the moment I am far too busy...
FRANCESCO: Well, I’d truly enjoy that... It’s something I’ve always been curious about...
ASSUNTA: I’m off... I’m off to the kitchen... I’ll make you a nice cup of coffee... Otherwise tonight I’ll be dreaming of spirits by the dozen... (Door)
FRANCESCO: An excellent idea... And put some spirits in the coffee... The kind that comes in a bottle... Just wait till you taste it, Professor... Anisette of the very finest quality!...
(Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER: The Professor has had his coffee and gone home. Poor Francesco is now struggling against sleep—and against the thought of spirits that has taken hold of his mind...
FRANCESCO: Come now... Let’s go to bed, Assunta [unclear: handwritten text]... (Yawns) I’m dead tired...
ASSUNTA: That blessed Professor!.. With all his talk of spirits, he kept us up until midnight... But do you know, what he said frightened me? Could it really be true?...
FRANCESCO: Well!.. Who knows!.. There are certainly plenty of people who believe it... (Yawns again)... But come... Come, darling... Let’s get a
good night’s sleep... And good night... Good night to the spirits, too...
(Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER: Oh, we’re going to hear quite a tale about these famous “spirits”... So be sure to listen tomorrow at the same time for another episode of the comedy: “Spirits in the House,” brought to you by the Balbo Company, which presents “Laugh It Off” every day from Monday through Saturday.
(Closing Theme...fade...)
Make sure you have an excellent oil for cooking and for the table, excellent in every respect. Choose BALBO oil. And join us again tomorrow at the same time for another “Laugh It Off” program...
...Laugh it off...the lively transcribed Comedy Program, will come to you again tomorrow at the same time, brought to you by the packers and distributors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: "Balbo"!
(Up with Theme to End)
COMMERCIAL RADIO SERVICE
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, N. Y.
Program.....The “Balbo Program No. 50”
Station.....Laugh It Off
Sponsor.....Balbo Oil Program
Date.....Tuesday, November 11th, 1947
“Spirits in the House”
(2nd Episode)
Characters
Francesco Trippa.................Gigi Mattioli
Elvira...........................Ada Quintina
The Professor....................Giorgio Gatti
Sound effects
Door knock
Door
(Opening Theme....fade....)
ANNOUNCER: ...“Laugh It Off”... ...“Laugh it off”...the gay Comedy Program, brought to you daily Monday through Saturday at this time - transcribed for your enjoyment by the packers and distributors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: “BALBO”!... ...The oil that gives you the most flavor at the lowest cost! Made from a variety of the finest, purest oils, blended in just the right proportions to create an excellent product, BALBO oil never fails to give complete satisfaction to all who use it. A flavorful, easily digested oil—ideal for cooking and for the table... and always sold at a most reasonable price... Try it, and you’ll soon be convinced that BALBO oil is just right for you!
And for your entertainment, we bring you our Balbo program, “Laugh It Off,” starring comedian Gigi Mattioli, who—with the assistance of other talented performers—now presents another episode of the sparkling comedy: “Spirits in the House.” Five years have passed, and misfortune has struck the home of Francesco and Assunta Trippa, a couple held up as a model of marital bliss because, in twenty-five years of marriage, they had never quarreled once. Mrs. Assunta has died. Francesco Trippa remained in mourning for a long while; then he came to terms with his loss and married again. Like him, his new wife is widowed—a good woman, but in temperament very different from his first wife. In this episode, we find the two of them discussing which friends they intend to invite to dinner the following Sunday.
ELVIRA: Four will be enough. I’m all alone, with no one to help me with the housework...
FRANCESCO: As far as that goes, I could give you a hand...
ELVIRA: How? By peeling the potatoes?
FRANCESCO: Peeling potatoes is still helping. It may not be much, but it’s something...
ELVIRA: No, no, Francesco... You have no idea what it means to invite a lot of people... It isn’t the expense—it’s the house... The whole house gets turned upside down... And afterward, just putting things back in some kind of order is a real chore... And I’m tired... I’ve told you so many times that I’m tired...
FRANCESCO: But my dear Elvira, the idea was yours... You were the one who said, “Next Sunday, since it’s our wedding anniversary...” I hadn’t even thought of it...
ELVIRA: I know the date means nothing to you...
FRANCESCO: Why do you say that? How can you say it means nothing?
ELVIRA: Oh, the only things you remember are about your Assunta. “My dear departed wife” this... and “my dear departed wife” that... “When my dear departed wife was alive...” Well, I think our anniversary is important enough to celebrate.
FRANCESCO: But I agree with you. Why, the moment you mentioned it, I immediately approved. Isn’t it true that I approved?
ELVIRA: Yes... it’s true... it’s true...
FRANCESCO: Well, then?
ELVIRA: Well, then, four will be enough. No more than four guests. Mr. and Mrs. Fruscelli, Maria, and Don Carlo. Four, plus the two of us, makes six.
FRANCESCO: You see, I was thinking of the Professor. He has always been kind to us, and he even sent us a lovely wedding present.
ELVIRA: Actually, I like the Professor too, and I’d like to invite him. But then we’d have an odd number: five... A hostess never knows what to do when there’s an odd number of guests...
FRANCESCO: Why not?
ELVIRA: For all sorts of reasons: the silverware, the plates, and then you can’t arrange the places evenly. Do you understand what I mean? Two on this side... two on that side... When the number is odd, there’s always one person left sitting crooked...
FRANCESCO: I understand... Then let’s invite your niece as well, and that will make eight. That’ll work nicely: four and four.
ELVIRA: Giuseppina can’t come. She told me this morning: she’s going out with her fiancé because it seems they’ve found an excellent opportunity to buy a house in the country... I was thinking of Donna Elisa instead...
FRANCESCO: Donna Elisa who?
ELVIRA: The pharmacist’s wife.
FRANCESCO: Good heavens!...
ELVIRA: Why? Don’t you like her?
FRANCESCO: That woman talks without stopping and makes more racket than a cage full of monkeys...
ELVIRA: Don’t worry, she has an excellent appetite too, and when she’s eating, she keeps quiet... I think she’s delightful...
FRANCESCO: All right, then... Invite Donna Elisa... Have you thought about the dinner?
ELVIRA: Oh, nothing extraordinary, mind you! Simple food and only a few courses. People don’t do what they used to anymore, piling mountains of food on the table...
FRANCESCO: People may not do that anymore, but they still have to eat...
ELVIRA: Don’t worry, there will be plenty to eat. More than enough. But only what is necessary, with no waste...
FRANCESCO: I wanted to ask you to make artichokes with prosciutto... It’s a delicious dish, and poor Assunta...
ELVIRA: There you go, bringing up your dear departed wife again...
FRANCESCO: There’s nothing wrong with that. I merely wanted to say that she knew how to prepare them deliciously...
ELVIRA: Well, I don’t know how to make them. And besides, I’ve never liked artichokes... All that straw you have to put in your mouth just to get a little substance out of it...! I’ll make stuffed peppers instead... A heartier and tastier dish...
FRANCESCO: (Resigned) Whatever you say. I have nothing to do with the cooking. That’s your affair.
ELVIRA: Then don’t meddle and leave it to me. (Suddenly) What’s burning? Don’t you smell something...?
FRANCESCO: I don’t smell anything...
ELVIRA: Could I have left something on the stove...? Let me go and see. (Door)
FRANCESCO: (Alone) Ah, how different Assunta was... And now... Goodbye, peace and quiet... and goodbye, artichokes with prosciutto...
(Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER: Ah, Donna Elvira is certainly not the meek and submissive wife that the late Signora Assunta was... We expect Francesco will have “a hard row to hoe”... We shall resume our comedy in just a few seconds... but during this brief intermission, we would like to make a recommendation. When you go shopping, make certain that the oil you bring home is the one that always gives you the most flavor at the lowest cost. We are speaking, of course, of BALBO oil: the oil that continues to deserve your confidence, because in price, nourishment, and flavor, it meets and surpasses the expectations of everyone who uses it. But judge BALBO oil for yourselves... use it to dress your salad, use it for frying, put it in your sauces. This practical test will convince you that BALBO oil is just what you need. So, for your own benefit, buy your first gallon, and you will agree with us that BALBO is an ideal oil, offered to you at a truly economical price!
(Musical Bridge)
And now we shall hear the second part of today’s episode of the sparkling comedy “Spirits in the House,” presented by the Balbo Company and starring comedian Gigi Mattioli.
FRANCESCO: Then it’s settled... May I speak to the Professor?
ELVIRA: Yes... Invite him for Sunday...
FRANCESCO: I think I’ll find him at the club tonight... I’ll tell him then...
ELVIRA: Ah, so you mean to go to the club? You’re going out tonight too?
FRANCESCO: Why? Is there something to be done?
ELVIRA: No, nothing... Go... go right ahead...
FRANCESCO: But... I don’t understand...
ELVIRA: Oh, go on!... As if you didn’t understand... you understand perfectly well... I know that once, when the famous departed soul was still here...
FRANCESCO: (Offended) Elvira, I’m asking you now to stop talking about that departed soul, who never did you any harm. Or anyone else, for that matter...
ELVIRA: And what harm could she have done me? I never even knew her...
FRANCESCO: Then leave her in peace. Do I ever speak of your husband? [handwritten: The late Indruba] [handwritten: to] Have I ever mentioned him all this time?
ELVIRA: (With a sigh) Ah... poor man!...
FRANCESCO: Poor man, and poor woman too!... They’re both gone, so let them be. [deleted: God keep them] [handwritten: God keep them] in peace.
ELVIRA: Francesco, I wasn’t criticizing anyone. I simply meant that before—when she was here—you never went out in the evening. Whereas now... And I know this... I know it for a fact. Signora Elisa told me so herself the last time she
came to see me... “How is it that Francesco isn’t at home? A man who, in twenty-five years of marriage, never went out for a single evening...” That’s what she said to me.
(A knock at the door)
FRANCESCO: Well... let’s stop... let’s stop this sort of talk... Let’s see who it is...
(Another knock)
ELVIRA: It must be Maria. She said she’d stop by...
FRANCESCO: (Door) Oh... Professor...
PROFESSOR: Good evening.
FRANCESCO: Come in... come in...
PROFESSOR: Signora Elvira...
ELVIRA: Good evening, my dear Professor. Your visits are always welcome... Please... have a seat...
PROFESSOR: Thank you...
FRANCESCO: You know... we were just speaking of you, because we’d like you to join a little gathering on Sunday... Nothing formal, you understand? Just a simple family affair...
PROFESSOR: Ah, a little celebration?
ELVIRA: With a modest dinner.
PROFESSOR: Thank you. You are both very kind, and I shall be delighted to accept.
FRANCESCO: We’ll be celebrating our first wedding anniversary.
PROFESSOR: What? Has a whole year gone by already?
FRANCESCO: Ah, yes... One year... Sunday will make exactly one year...
PROFESSOR: I would never have thought it... It seems like yesterday...
FRANCESCO: And you remain a bachelor...
ELVIRA: Ah, the Professor wants to go on enjoying himself, don’t you, Professor...
PROFESSOR: Say studying—studying...
ELVIRA: But a man can study with a wife by his side too...
FRANCESCO: Now tell us what you’d prefer: coffee, or a nice glass of cold beer?
PROFESSOR: Let’s make it beer... It’s a warm evening...
ELVIRA: Then allow me to fetch it. (Door)
FRANCESCO: Well, now... Good heavens, you never come to see us. A visit from you is truly an event.
PROFESSOR: I’m always occupied with... the Great Beyond...
FRANCESCO: Ah, the spirits... Are you still conducting your experiments?
PROFESSOR: I want to confess something to you... But it’s a secret, mind you...
FRANCESCO: Let’s hear it... let’s hear it...
PROFESSOR: I’m achieving extraordinary results... Positively fantastic.
FRANCESCO: Tell me... tell me...
PROFESSOR: I have succeeded in making a spirit appear.
FRANCESCO: I don’t understand.
PROFESSOR: Nearly everyone in this field reaches the height of his experience with a little table that raps out messages... Whereas I... I can now bring about the presence of the spirit... Make it come, in short—let us put it this way—in person, so that one can see it and even speak to it.
FRANCESCO: No!...
PROFESSOR: And yet...
FRANCESCO: Then let’s finally try one of these experiments... I’ve always told you I’m skeptical about it; I don’t have much faith in these things... but at the same time, I’d be curious to attend a séance.
PROFESSOR: Well, that is a curiosity I could easily satisfy...
FRANCESCO: When?
PROFESSOR: Even now... If the lady of the house permits...
FRANCESCO: Elvira... Elvira...
ELVIRA: (From a distance) What is it?
FRANCESCO: Come... come here... There’s a surprise for you...
ELVIRA: Right away... I’m getting the glasses...
FRANCESCO: Ah, this promises to be an interesting evening... I didn’t know what to do with myself... I was about to go out and head for the club... And instead... instead... Well done, Professor!... Let’s summon the spirits... Let’s see what news they
COMMERCIAL RADIO SERVICE
bring us from the other world...
(Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER: And so, at last, we have reached the mysterious séance, during which great surprises await us. Attend it yourselves by listening—tomorrow, at the same time—to another episode of the sparkling comedy “Spirits in the House,” brought to you by the Balbo Company, which—every day from Monday through Saturday—broadcasts the program “Laugh It Off.”
(Closing Theme...fade...)
Try a gallon of BALBO oil! Try it!... And join us again tomorrow, at the same time, for another program: “Laugh It Off”!...
...Laugh it off...the gay, transcribed Comedy Program, will come to you again tomorrow at the same time, brought to you by the packers and distributors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: "BALBO"!
(Up with Theme to End)
COMMERCIAL RADIO SERVICE
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, N. Y.
Program............The Balbo Program No. 51
Station............Fidi che ti Passa
Sponsor............Balbo Oil Program
Date...............Wednesday, November 12, 1947
“Spirits in the House”
(3rd Episode)
Characters
Francesco Trippa.............Gigi Mattioli
Assunta....................Rosa Veneziani
Elvira.....................Ada Quintina
The Professor..............Giorgio Gatti
Sound Effects
Door
Wind Effect
Echo Mike
(Opening Theme...fade...)
ANNOUNCER: ...“Laugh It Off”...
...“Laugh it off”...the merry, transcribed Comedy Program, brought to you daily - Monday through Saturday at this time - by the packers and distributors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: "Balbo"!
...the oil that gives you the most flavor at the lowest cost!...
Every gallon bearing the “Balbo” label is your guarantee of excellent oil! Indeed, it is the confidence placed in this brand by countless consumers that has created the immense popularity of BALBO oil. Those who have used Balbo oil for years certainly do not concern themselves with proportions and percentages. Those who use it regularly know—from experience—that every gallon of Balbo contains a well-balanced blend of the finest, most flavorful and nourishing oils. Try a gallon today. Ask your grocer for it. Tell him that you, too, want the oil that gives you the most flavor at the lowest cost: excellent BALBO oil!
And now the Balbo Company presents our program, “Laugh It Off”: fifteen minutes of good humor with comedian Gigi Mattioli, who—with the collaboration of other talented performers—now brings us another episode of the comedy “Spirits in the House”!
An interesting experiment is about to take place in the home of Francesco and Elvira Fippa—two widowed people who remarried several years ago. A professor who is a friend of theirs—and a medium of some renown—has promised them a séance and is now preparing to conduct the experiment. The episode promises more than a few surprises, so let us listen closely.
(Opening Theme...fade...)
ANNOUNCER: ..."Ridi che ti Passa"... ..."Laugh it off"...the merry, transcribed Comedy Program, brought to you daily - Monday through Saturday at this time - by the packers and distributors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: "Balbo"! ...the oil that gives you the most flavoring at the lowest cost!.. Every gallon bearing the “Balbo” brand is your guarantee of an excellent oil! In fact, it is the trust placed in this brand by countless consumers that has created the immense popularity of BALBO oil. Those who have used Balbo oil for years certainly do not concern themselves with proportions and percentages. Those who use it regularly know—from experience—that every gallon of Balbo contains a well-balanced blend of the finest, most flavorful and nutritious oils. Try a gallon today. Ask your grocer for it. Tell him that you, too, want the oil that gives you the most flavoring at the lowest cost: excellent BALBO oil! And now the Balbo Company presents our program: “Laugh It Off”: fifteen minutes of good cheer with comedian Gigi Mattioli who—with the assistance of other talented performers—now brings us another episode of the comedy: “Spirits in the House”!
An interesting experiment is about to take place in the home of Francesco and Elvira Fippa—two widowed people who remarried several years ago. A professor who is a friend of theirs—and a medium of some renown—has promised to hold a séance and is now preparing to put his powers to the test. This episode promises no small number of surprises, so let us listen closely.
ELVIRA: Professor, can we leave the light on?
PROFESSOR: No... The light must be turned off...
ELVIRA: Oh, then I’m leaving... I don’t want to witness any of this...
PROFESSOR: Come now, madam, come... You’re not a child...
ELVIRA: I’m not a child, but I’m frightened all the same...
FRANCESCO: Frightened of what? We don’t even know whether the spirits will come... Isn’t that right, Professor?
PROFESSOR: Certainly... certainly... Sometimes the experiments fail because conditions are unfavorable...
ELVIRA: Weather conditions?
PROFESSOR: (Laughing) No... no... Not weather conditions... A spirit isn’t an airplane...
FRANCESCO: Besides, even if someone does come, they can’t do us any harm. Explain it to her a little better, Professor...
ELVIRA: So, Professor, you assure me that everything will be all right?
PROFESSOR: In what sense?
ELVIRA: I mean, there’s nothing to be frightened of?
PROFESSOR: I don’t think so... I don’t think so... Why should you be frightened? Of course, there may be a little excitement at first, but then it passes...
ELVIRA: And these spirits you summon really are... the spirits of the dead?
PROFESSOR: Why... of course! You can’t summon the spirits of the living.
ELVIRA: You see? How can I not be frightened? I can already feel shivers running through my whole body... If only you would allow us to leave a little light on...
PROFESSOR: Oh, yes... A semidarkness, a sort of deep twilight, will do just as well... Here, let’s do this... We shall have to turn off these lamps...
ELVIRA: Then let’s turn on the light in the other room...
PROFESSOR: No. The reflection would be too bright... Let’s try the kitchen instead... Go into the kitchen and turn on the light, and when you return, leave the door open. We’ll turn everything off in here. Let’s see what effect that has...
ELVIRA: Very well... I’ll go at once... (Door)
PROFESSOR: Your wife is a little nervous...
FRANCESCO: Ah... women, women, dear Professor... You were wise never to marry... You’re a philosopher...
PROFESSOR: The other one, Mrs. Assunta, was a little calmer... At least, that was my impression...
FRANCESCO: There’s no comparison: she was entirely different... A completely different sort of woman... Ah, my Assunta... You don’t find women like her on this earth anymore... Never an unkind word, never a raised voice, never a disagreement...
PROFESSOR: I know... I know... (Loudly) Well... are we ready?
ELVIRA: (From some distance away) Just a moment, Professor... I’m getting a glass of water...
FRANCESCO: Ah... she’s pouring a cold shower into her stomach to stiffen her courage... Yes, Professor, my first wife was worth her weight in gold...
PROFESSOR: But Mrs. Elvira has her virtues, too...
FRANCESCO: I don’t deny it... I don’t deny it... Excellent qualities... But... entirely different, as I told you before... Entirely different... With her, you have to debate, argue, come to terms...
PROFESSOR: What can you do? That’s life: a thing made up of contrasts.
ELVIRA: (Still at a distance) May I come back?
PROFESSOR: Yes... yes...
ELVIRA: (From a distance) Did you turn off everything in the parlor?
FRANCESCO: Yes... we turned it all off...
ELVIRA: (From a distance) Then I’ll turn off the kitchen light and leave the bedroom light on... That way the reflection... along the corridor...
PROFESSOR: An excellent idea... Better than the other one... You may come in now... (A door opens and remains open)
ELVIRA: (Returning) Well... you can barely see... Where are you, Francesco?
FRANCESCO: Here...
ELVIRA: I want to sit close to you...
PROFESSOR: We must all remain fairly close to one another.
FRANCESCO: Do you need the table?
PROFESSOR: No... no... no table... That’s an outdated prop, used only to confuse the spectators... Well, I believe we are ready...
(Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER: In the following scene, we shall hear “things from another world.” But in this world, anyone who has proper respect for the public’s intelligence—and especially for the intelligence of the lady of the house, who manages the most delicate and complicated of all enterprises, the household—knows that once the public’s trust has been lost, it can never be regained. And so one takes great care not to make exaggerated promises or boast of virtues that do not exist. These are the principles upon which our advertising of Balbo oil is based. You certainly will never hear us say that Balbo oil possesses miraculous qualities. What we do assure you is that Balbo oil is good and easy to digest, and that in every gallon bearing the BALBO brand, you will find, in the proper proportions, fine vegetable oil and pure olive oil. This perfect combination is precisely the oil we recommend for your table and your kitchen: the ideal oil for every use... the oil that always gives you the most flavoring at the lowest cost!
(Musical Bridge)
And now we shall hear the second part of today’s episode of the sparkling comedy “Spirits in the House,” presented by the Balbo Company with comedian Gigi Mattioli. It is a moment of high tension: the Professor is about to establish communication with the world beyond...
PROFESSOR: Now I ask you to remain calm... I shall enter a trance...
ELVIRA: Don’t frighten me, Professor... What does that mean?
PROFESSOR: Nothing... It will be as though I had fallen into a deep sleep... You’ll see... you’ll see... There’s nothing to fear...
ELVIRA: Let’s hope not...
PROFESSOR: One warning is necessary: you must not disturb me. That is to say, no matter what happens...
FRANCESCO: (A little worried) Why? What could happen?
PROFESSOR: Let me explain... Please... Whatever the reason, you must never try to shake me violently or awaken me. That would be dangerous... I must awaken on my own...
ELVIRA: Otherwise... Otherwise, what would happen?
PROFESSOR: I would lose control of the spirit and would no longer be able to send it back to the place from which it came...
ELVIRA: Oh, Francesco, what a mad idea you got into your head tonight...
FRANCESCO: Now don’t start... (Worried himself) But tell me, Professor, do you know these spirits? Can we trust them?
PROFESSOR: Have no fear... Sometimes one appears who is rather violent and not easy to control... Then it is like a great wind rushing into the house... a gust...
ELVIRA: Oh, poor me!... Wait, Professor, don’t begin yet... I have so many things lying around in here... First I’d like to put away the flower vase, because it’s pure crystal, and then all these other vases. They’re valuable, you know?
PROFESSOR: There’s no need. Believe me, there’s no need. The occurrence I mentioned is extremely rare, and it certainly will not happen tonight. Now I ask you to be silent and enter into a state of deep concentration. (Pause) (The sound of wind—Pause—The dialogue continues in whispers)
ELVIRA: Did you hear that?
FRANCESCO: Hear what?
ELVIRA: Like a wind...
FRANCESCO: Elvira, please... try to remain calm...
ELVIRA: But I tell you, I heard it... It passed over my face... Like something cold...
FRANCESCO: Come now... come now... don’t exaggerate...
ELVIRA: But I’m trembling... I’m leaving... I don’t want to see any more...
FRANCESCO: Be quiet... We mustn’t disturb the Professor...
ELVIRA: Can you see him?
FRANCESCO: Who?
ELVIRA: The Professor.
FRANCESCO: Yes... I can see him...
ELVIRA: What is he doing?
FRANCESCO: Well... he seems to be asleep...
ELVIRA: What a fright you’re giving me... You’ll see, some disaster is going to befall us...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: Good evening, Francesco...
FRANCESCO: Who said that?
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: It is I, Assunta...
FRANCESCO: No, that’s impossible...
ELVIRA: What’s impossible...?
FRANCESCO: Didn’t you hear a voice say, “Good evening, Francesco”?
ELVIRA: When?
FRANCESCO: Just now... This very moment...
ELVIRA: Now you’re the one exaggerating... I didn’t hear any voice... Only the wind before... I thought the wind...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: Good evening, Francesco. Why won’t you answer me...?
FRANCESCO: Do you hear it... do you hear it...? She said, “Good evening,” again...
ELVIRA: Oh, stop this stupid joke... You don’t have to frighten me, too. I’m frightened enough already...
FRANCESCO: Is it really you speaking, Assunta?
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: Yes, it is I...
FRANCESCO: But I can’t see you.
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: You cannot see me because you are speaking to the other woman... The one beside you... Think of me with all your might, do not let her distract you, and you will see me...
FRANCESCO: Yes...I’m thinking of you...Thinking of you with all my heart...
ELVIRA: Francesco, stop it...Who are you talking to?
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: Well, can’t you see me even now?
FRANCESCO: Oh, yes, now...Now...Assunta...Assunta...
ELVIRA: Assunta? Your first wife? Don’t tell me she’s here...
FRANCESCO: Is it really you? This truly isn’t some trick?
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: No, it isn’t a trick...It really is me...
FRANCESCO: [deleted: Didn’t you hear, Elvira? Can’t you see, even now, who we have in the house...] [handwritten: There...]
ELVIRA: I don’t hear or see anything...But I’m leaving...I’m leaving...
FRANCESCO: No, don’t move...Remember what the Professor told us...Not to disturb him...
ELVIRA: I don’t care...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: Let her go...It’s you I want to speak to, not her...
FRANCESCO: Oh...dear Assunta...I’m not afraid to see you, you know...On the contrary, I’m calm...so calm...
ELVIRA: Professor, enough...enough...I’m turning on the light...Professor!...Professor!...
PROFESSOR: Eh?...Ah!...What have you done! You woke me up! Ah, who knows what trouble will come of this now!.....Ah! Woe is us.....
(Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER: And what sort of trouble Mrs. Elvira has caused by waking the Professor with such a start—we shall find out tomorrow, when we listen to the next episode of the comedy “Spirits in the House,” brought to you by the Balbo Company, which presents “Laugh It Off” every day, Monday through Saturday.
(Closing Theme...fade...)
When you go shopping, ask for BALBO oil! And join us again tomorrow at the same time for another “Laugh It Off” program!
...Laugh it off!..the gay, transcribed Comedy Program, will come to you again tomorrow at the same time, brought to you by the packers and distributors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: "Balbo".
(Up with Theme to End)
COMMERCIAL RADIO SERVICE
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, N. Y.
Program............The Balbo Program No. 52
Station............Laugh It Off
Sponsor............Balbo Oil Program
Date...............Thursday, November 13th, 1947
“Spirits in the House”
(4th Episode)
Characters
Francesco Trippa.............Gigi Mattioli
The Professor..............Giorgio Gatti
Elvira...................Ada Quintina
Assunta..................Rosa Veneziani
Sound Effects
Echo Mike
(Opening Theme...fade...)
ANNOUNCER: ...“Ridi che ti passa”... ...“Laugh it off”... It’s that gay, transcribed Comedy Program, brought to you daily - Monday through Saturday at this time - by the packers and distributors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: "Balbo"! ...the oil that gives you the most flavor at the lowest cost, and thus perfectly meets the needs of the wise and thrifty housewife who wants economy as well as quality! For your own sake, always choose the excellent, economical gallon bearing the “BALBO” label!
And now, on with “Laugh It Off”...Brought to you by the Balbo Company to keep you cheerful for a while, featuring the well-known comedian Gigi Mattioli who—with the assistance of other fine performers—brings us another episode of the comedy “Spirits in the House.” One evening, a married couple, bored and at a loss for how to pass the time, received a visit from a friend of theirs, a Professor. Since he was a famous medium, they suggested—just for the fun of it—that they hold a séance. The Professor agreed to his friends’ request and, to satisfy their curiosity, began summoning the spirits. We shall better understand what happened as a result of this experiment by listening to today’s episode. Poor Francesco Trippa rushes breathlessly into the Professor’s house, his mind in turmoil.
PROFESSOR: Ah, Don Francesco!...What a surprise...! A visit so early in the morning...What is it? You seem rather downcast...
FRANCESCO: Downcast? I’m as good as dead...In a few weeks you’ll be able to summon my spirit, too—for your experiments—
because...because I’ll be gone as well, and I’ll no longer be part of this world...
PROFESSOR: But...really now...
FRANCESCO: Let me sit down. My legs feel as soft as ricotta.
PROFESSOR: Please do. Come...come over here... (worried) I hope you don’t have anything serious to tell me...
FRANCESCO: Ah, my dear Professor...What a trick you’ve played on me!..You couldn’t have thought of a worse one...
PROFESSOR: Are you perhaps referring to the séance we held at your house last night?
FRANCESCO: Exactly.
PROFESSOR: Well?
FRANCESCO: Well, do you think what happened is nothing? You went and summoned the spirit of my poor dead wife...Assunta...
PROFESSOR: But I wasn’t the one who summoned her...
FRANCESCO: Oh...It wasn’t you! Then who was it?
PROFESSOR: You see, Don Francesco, you must understand that when experiments of this sort are conducted, it is always the spirit of the person to whom we remained most deeply attached who appears: the one—in other words—whom we loved the most...
FRANCESCO: And how I loved her!...Everyone knows that!...
PROFESSOR: Then why are you sorry to have seen her again?
FRANCESCO: Because now she’s stayed in my house and refuses to leave....
PROFESSOR: Who?
FRANCESCO: The spirit.
PROFESSOR: Signora Assunta’s spirit?
FRANCESCO: Yes...yes...The spirit of Assunta, my first wife, is in the house...She’s there waiting for me...You’ll see: the moment I open the door when I go home, I’ll find her standing right in front of me...
PROFESSOR: That is strange...
FRANCESCO: If it’s strange for you, imagine what it is for me...Not that I’m not pleased, mind you...Quite the contrary...quite the contrary...Just imagine how happy I was to see her again and hear her voice...But surely you understand that I already have another wife at home; so what am I supposed to do now? Have two of them? One in flesh and blood, and the other following me everywhere like a shadow?
PROFESSOR: But are you really certain of this?
FRANCESCO: What do you mean, am I certain?
PROFESSOR: I mean...Could it perhaps be a hallucination?
FRANCESCO: By the beard of Moses!! Of course I’m certain! It seemed impossible to me, too, and I rubbed my eyes and kept saying to myself, “But it can’t be! There must be some trick!” And yet...You understand, at first—when I saw her standing before me for the first time—I really was frightened....You were asleep, my dear Professor...You were in a trance...
PROFESSOR: Ah, there was the mistake...Now I understand...But I told you not to wake me suddenly; indeed, not to disturb me at all.
For then one loses control over the spirit and cannot send it back to the place from which it came...
FRANCESCO: And was that my fault....?
PROFESSOR: Yours or your wife’s, it amounts to the same thing...
FRANCESCO: But Elvira was beside herself with fright. She started screaming, turned on the light, made a scene...Because—and this is the trouble—Elvira, my wife, couldn’t see the poor departed soul’s spirit. She couldn’t even hear her voice; and she said I was doing it on purpose to frighten her.
PROFESSOR: I know. She couldn’t see her. That is perfectly natural.
FRANCESCO: Well, I’ll be: why not?
PROFESSOR: I explained why before: only those who loved a person very deeply can see that person’s spirit after death. No one else can.
FRANCESCO: And what am I supposed to do now?
PROFESSOR: Be patient and wait.
FRANCESCO: Wait? Do you know I didn’t sleep a wink last night? The poor departed soul came and sat on my bed, talking to me and demanding a hundred explanations....Elvira threatened to leave the house, to make a scandal....She still isn’t convinced, she still doesn’t believe me...
PROFESSOR: We shall have to conduct another experiment...
FRANCESCO: Ah, no...One spirit is more than enough to drive a man mad, my dear Professor...And you want to bring me a second one.
PROFESSOR: No. We shall have to conduct a new experiment to regain control over the soul that has been left wandering the earth and persuade it to return to the hereafter....
FRANCESCO: Then let’s do it...Let’s do it at once...I hope dear Assunta won’t take offense...You see, I’d like to keep her with me always...But believe me, I can’t go on like this: caught between a living woman and a dead one...
PROFESSOR: Very well...I’m certain we can remedy this difficulty that you yourselves have created. Now calm down and expect me this evening...We shall hold another séance.
FRANCESCO: What time will you come, Professor?
PROFESSOR: I shall be at your house at eight o’clock sharp.
FRANCESCO: And please, Professor...You must find some way out of this mess...
PROFESSOR: Don’t worry...don’t worry...Good day, Don Francesco.
FRANCESCO: Goodbye. Until this evening, then. And let’s hope everything goes well...otherwise I’ll end up in the madhouse.
(Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER: With this latest complication, one can hardly blame poor Francesco for worrying and fearing that he may lose his mind. There is no cause for concern, however, when it comes to YOUR judgment—that is, the taste, thrift, and discernment of the public—which has bestowed upon the “BALBO” brand the extraordinary popularity it enjoys in the field of blended oils. We must and shall continue to deserve your confidence by always giving you an oil which, in price, in nourishment
and flavor, continues always to satisfy and surpass your expectations. And so we tell you, “Go to any good grocer and ask for ‘BALBO’ oil.” We tell you this because we know that inside the gallon bearing the “BALBO” label, you will find—today as in the past—an excellent oil for dressing salads, for preparing sauces and ragouts—excellent in every respect. We tell you: “Try BALBO oil, because it continues to be the oil that gives you the most flavor at the lowest cost!”
(Musical Bridge)
And now we shall hear the second part of today’s episode of the sparkling comedy “Spirits in the House,” presented by the Balbo Company and starring comedian Gigi Mattioli.
FRANCESCO: Dear Elvira, be patient. In a few hours it will all be over. And please believe me when I tell you that none of what has happened is my fault.
ELVIRA: All over? How? Explain yourself...
FRANCESCO: The Professor is coming back tonight and... (under his breath) he’ll send her away...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: [handwritten: There’s no point in whispering. I can see and hear everything... Exxxxxxx... xMxxxxx... xXxxxxx...]
FRANCESCO: But you see, Assunta...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: [handwritten: Yes... I know you’re a scoundrel and that you never truly loved me the way I loved you... And now you want to send me away... Drive me out of the house...]
FRANCESCO: That isn’t true... I would keep you here with me... But do be reasonable... Can’t you see there’s this other one too?
ELVIRA: More insults: “this other one”!... I am “this other one”... In other words, the burden you carry on your shoulders...
FRANCESCO: No, Elvira, it isn’t like that... I was trying to explain to the dear departed...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: Why did you marry her? Don’t you remember the promises and vows you made? The night I died, you told me through your tears that never... never would you know another woman... Lies...
FRANCESCO: I was sincere. I swear I was sincere. But then I felt so alone... so sad... that I needed someone, some companionship.
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: Anyone who has truly loved once can never love again for the rest of his life...
FRANCESCO: But I did love you. You were my first love...
ELVIRA: Oh, I know... I know... she was your one true passion, while I was merely a pastime... the woman who came along to gather the ashes of your fire.
FRANCESCO: Forgive me, Elvira, forgive me... I didn’t mean to hurt you... But she’s speaking to me, and I have to answer her...
ELVIRA: Who is speaking to you? Who is speaking to you? Enough of this vile farce. You want to drive me insane, or frighten me so badly that I’ll be forced to leave the house. That is your plan. That is why you pretend and keep up this charade of seeing and hearing the spirit of your first wife. Because you’ve grown tired of me. Because I’m a burden to you.
FRANCESCO: Once again, I beg you to believe me: it’s all true. And tonight the Professor will be here.
ELVIRA: I don’t want to see the Professor ever again. In fact, I’m going to my room this very moment, packing my suitcase, and leaving. I’m going back to my mother. Then you’ll be happy. You’ll have achieved your purpose. But don’t think you’ve won... Oh, no... Villains must pay for their crimes... And you are a villain... not once... but a hundred... a thousand times over...
(A door slams)
FRANCESCO: Do you see what you’ve done? What misery you’ve brought into my home?
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: You deserve it.
FRANCESCO: I deserve it?
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: Because you truly are a villain. You betrayed me too.
FRANCESCO: What? Assunta? You can’t possibly be Assunta’s spirit! How could you speak that way—you, who never said an unkind word to me, who were the very model of a wife, who always forgave me, even when I was at fault or made some mistake?
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: I was a fool!
FRANCESCO: What am I hearing... What am I hearing!... When you were alive, you were sweetness and goodness itself; and now—in death—you’ve become like all the others? Oh, ye gods! How can such a phenomenon be explained? No, you cannot be Assunta...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: Stop pretending, and don’t be a coward with yourself. You can see me... you recognize me... And you know it is I...
FRANCESCO: Oh, poor me!... But why did you come back to this house? You had left me with such a cherished memory...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: And you trampled and dishonored that memory by welcoming another woman into your arms...
FRANCESCO: But I told you... I explained that...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: ...you are a traitor, and I shall have no peace until I have taken my revenge... Tonight... while you’re both asleep...
FRANCESCO: Ah, no, for mercy’s sake!... For mercy’s sake!... Professor! When is that blessed Professor going to arrive!
(Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER: Let us only hope that this new séance does not complicate matters even further for our Don Francesco. Oh, we can promise you right now that the action will be astonishing and uproariously funny when you tune in tomorrow—at the same time—for another episode of the comedy “Spirits in the House,” brought to you by the Balbo Company, which presents “Laugh It Off” every day, Monday through Saturday.
(Closing Theme...fade...)
...try a gallon of BALBO oil. Try it! And join us again tomorrow, at the same time, for another “Laugh It Off” program.
..."Laugh it off..the gay, transcribed Comedy Progra, will come to you again tomorrow at the same time, brought to you by the Packers and Distriburors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: "Balbo"!
(Up with Theme to End)
COMMERCIAL RADIO SERVICE
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, N. Y.
Program: The Balbo Program No. 53
Station: Laugh It Off
Sponsor: Balbo Oil Corporation
Date: Friday, November 14, 1947
“Spirits in the House”
(5th Episode)
Characters
Francesco Trippa.................Gigi Mattioli
Elvira...........................Ada Quintina
Assunta..........................Rosa Veneziani
The Professor....................Giorgio Gatti
Addrubale.......................Gustavo Cecchini
Sound Effects
Wind
Echo Mike
Door
(Opening Theme...fade...)
ANNOUNCER: ...“Laugh It Off”... ...“Laugh it off”...the sparkling, transcribed Comedy Program, brought to you daily - Monday through Saturday, at this time - by the packers and distributors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: "Balbo"! ...the oil that gives you the most flavor at the lowest cost... and which today—as in the past—continues to satisfy and surpass your expectations. What good would it do to talk to you about proportions and percentages?!... We tell you only one thing: “Balbo oil is always tasty, nourishing, exquisite,” and it is for you to judge—not by labels, percentages, or words tossed to the wind, but with your own palate. An oil that is always good, and always reasonably priced: that is BALBO oil!
But now, here is the Balbo program “Laugh It Off”: fifteen minutes of good cheer with comedian Gigi Mattioli who—with the collaboration of other fine performers—brings you another episode of the hilarious comedy “Spirits in the House”! Francesco Trippa is anxiously awaiting the Professor, who is helping him send back to the other world the spirit of his dead first wife, who has turned up in his house and refuses to leave. His other wife—a widow he married only a short time ago—does not believe in this extraordinary psychic phenomenon and is certain that Francesco is pretending in order to drive her insane. She has therefore decided to leave the house and is packing her bags. But now there is a knock at the door.
(A knock at the door)
(Opening Theme...fade...)
ANNOUNCER: ...“Laugh It Off”... ...“Laugh it off”... the sparkling, transcribed Comedy Program, brought to you daily - Monday through Saturday, at this time - by the packers and distributors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: "Balbo"! ...the oil that gives you the most flavor at the lowest cost... and which today—as in the past—continues to satisfy and surpass your expectations. What good would it do to talk to you about proportions and percentages?!... We tell you only one thing: “Balbo oil is always tasty, nourishing, exquisite,” and it is for you to judge—not by labels, percentages, or words tossed to the wind, but with your own palate. An oil that is always good, and always reasonably priced: that is BALBO oil!
But now, here is the Balbo program “Laugh It Off”: fifteen minutes of good cheer with comedian Gigi Mattioli who—with the collaboration of other fine performers—brings you another episode of the hilarious comedy “Spirits in the House”!
Francesco Trippa is anxiously awaiting the Professor, who is helping him send back to the other world the spirit of his dead first wife, who has turned up in his house and refuses to leave. His other wife—a widow he married only a short time ago—does not believe in this extraordinary psychic phenomenon and is certain that Francesco is pretending in order to drive her insane. She has therefore decided to leave the house and is packing her bags. But now there is a knock at the door.
(A knock at the door)
FRANCESCO: (Hurrying over) (Door opens) ...Professor... Ah, thank heaven!... Come in... I thought you’d never get here.... (Door)
PROFESSOR: We agreed on eight o’clock, didn’t we?
FRANCESCO: Yes.
PROFESSOR: And, as you see, it is still five minutes to eight. So I am more than punctual.
FRANCESCO: But you must understand, when a man lives in the state of agitation I’m in, waiting feels like an eternity!...
PROFESSOR: Good heavens, what alarm! I think you’re exaggerating a little!
FRANCESCO: If only you knew! My wife is about to leave me.
PROFESSOR: All the better. Then there’s no need to hold the séance.
FRANCESCO: No, it’s Elvira who wants to leave... My living wife, not the dead one... The dead one is over there, you see, sitting by the window... That is, you can’t see her; but I... I can see her all too clearly...
PROFESSOR: What is she doing?
FRANCESCO: She’s watching us.
PROFESSOR: Let her. Don’t disturb her. Where is Signora Elvira?
FRANCESCO: She’s locked herself in the bedroom and refuses to come out. I think she’s packing her things.
PROFESSOR: We shall have to call her.
FRANCESCO: I’ll try, but you’ll see it won’t be easy to calm her down. She’s angry with you, too.
PROFESSOR: With me?
FRANCESCO: I know... I know... You bear no responsibility whatsoever in this affair... You merely indulged our curiosity... It’s our fault, our fault... Or rather, entirely mine... But do you think we can set things right and persuade Assunta to go away in peace?
PROFESSOR: I believe so. In any case, we’ll try. But call your wife.
FRANCESCO: I’ll go... I’ll see right away... (Door) Oh... here she is... See? See? She’s carrying a suitcase... She means to leave...
PROFESSOR: Oh, madam, I’m truly sorry...
ELVIRA: Professor, please, leave me alone...
PROFESSOR: But you make me feel that I bear a grave responsibility, a kind of guilt.
ELVIRA: Don’t worry: no one will ever blame you for anything...
PROFESSOR: But before my own conscience, even if unintentionally, I’ve been responsible for some misunderstanding...
ELVIRA: No, the misunderstanding is my husband’s doing. He has staged a vulgar farce...
FRANCESCO: Do you hear her, Professor? She accuses me of pretending... She says it isn’t true that I see and hear...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: Why are you so eager to defend yourself? Why don’t you let her go? She never loved you, because she’s
younger than you and married you only because you have a fine house and money in the bank... But the house was mine... I was the one who fixed it up and made it beautiful...
FRANCESCO: Assunta... Assunta... Don’t make this tangled situation even more complicated... Be quiet, please... Be quiet.
ELVIRA: Can I remain beside a man like this? You tell me! Did you hear him? Did you see him? He’s been carrying on like this since last night. Talking to chairs, windows, walls...
PROFESSOR: Madam, your husband is not pretending. I give you my word as a gentleman. He really does see a spirit—the spirit of his first wife. That is why I came back tonight: to remedy this situation, which is certainly far from pleasant. But you must assist me.
ELVIRA: Me? And what do you want from me?
PROFESSOR: Yes. Mr. Francesco and I have already agreed that we’ll hold another séance.
ELVIRA: Another trick?
PROFESSOR: Please... please. No trickery... And this will be the last one.
FRANCESCO: Oh, yes... Professor... I don’t ever want to hear about spiritualism again, either.
PROFESSOR: Then let’s get on with it. We’ll be finished in a few minutes. And you, Mrs. Elvira, begin by putting down that suitcase and taking off your hat. What’s the meaning of this rash behavior? For heaven’s sake! Do you want to make me responsible for disturbing the peace of a family?
ELVIRA: But if you only knew what happened last night, with him shouting because he said he could see his Assunta...
FRANCESCO: Could see her? Why, I can see her... I can still see her...
PROFESSOR: Before long, everything will return to normal, and you won’t see anything anymore.
FRANCESCO: Let’s hope so.
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: Ah, is that what you want? Never to see me again? To get me out of your sight? The great Francesco! The model husband they used to give medals to!...
(Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER: In less than a minute, we too shall witness the professor’s second séance. So prepare yourselves for some new surprises. In the meantime, allow us a brief interlude, during which we would like to point out that every homemaker wants the dishes she prepares to make a fine impression. And if we may offer a word of advice, let us tell you that BALBO oil is a splendid contribution to success in the kitchen!... It is also hearty and nourishing, because it is a perfect blend of the finest vegetable oils and pure olive oil. Add to this the fact that it is sold at an economical price—and you will understand why BALBO oil has been acclaimed by consumers themselves as the oil that gives you the most flavoring at the lowest cost. Enrich your dishes with excellent BALBO oil! It marvelously seasons sauces, ragù, and salads—and fries without any unpleasant odor. Yes... It truly is the ideal oil! Would you like proof?... It’s very simple: try a gallon of BALBO oil for yourself!
(Musical Bridge)
And now we shall hear the second part of today’s episode of the sparkling comedy “Spirits in the House,” presented by the Balbo Company and starring comedian Gigi Mattioli.
PROFESSOR: Then we understand one another. And this time, mind you...
FRANCESCO: Don’t worry, Professor... You won’t be disturbed...
PROFESSOR: You mustn’t so much as touch me with a finger. Wait until I wake on my own... Otherwise, there truly will be another disaster.
FRANCESCO: You heard him now, Elvira, didn’t you? So don’t become hysterical the way you did last night...
ELVIRA: You were the one who frightened me...
PROFESSOR: Well, come along... come along... Enough arguing. Now, silence and concentration...
FRANCESCO: Are the lights all right like this?
PROFESSOR: Yes, they’re fine... Everything is fine... Let us begin...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: The three of you make me laugh. You’re three perfect models of idiocy... Ah... how low the human race has fallen...
(The Sound of Wind)
ELVIRA: There it goes again.
FRANCESCO: What?
ELVIRA: I can feel the wind around my face again...
FRANCESCO: It will go away... It will go away... Please, remain calm...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: It’s no use trying to give her courage when you have even less than she does.
FRANCESCO: Do you really mean to persecute me? You’ve truly become my enemy.
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: That’s what you deserve. Nothing more!
ELVIRA: Who has become your enemy?
FRANCESCO: I wasn’t talking to you, Elvira.
ELVIRA: And you ask me to remain calm! When you do everything you can to frighten me... with your madman’s talk...
FRANCESCO: It isn’t me... it isn’t me... Oh, what a situation.
(The Sound of Wind Grows Louder)
ELVIRA: Oh, heavens!... Ah... What do I see!...
FRANCESCO: What do you see?
ELVIRA: Asdrubale! Asdrubale!
FRANCESCO: Who is Asdrubale? Oh!
ELVIRA: My late husband...
FRANCESCO: Ah, now you’re beginning to make contact with the dead, too! Thank goodness... thank goodness. Now we’re even, and you won’t accuse me of raving anymore...
ELVIRA: Asdrubale... No, don’t look at me like that!... Don’t frighten me... I’ll explain everything now!... I promise I’ll tell you everything... Asdrubale...
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: (A deep, resonant voice) Silence... silence, you wretch! You have the gall to speak to me? What do you mean to explain? I know everything about your life.
ELVIRA: Oh, Asdrubale... Forgive me... Forgive me...
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: Forgive you? Why, I’ve been trying to return to earth for years to give you the lesson you deserve... And now... at last!...
FRANCESCO: Elvira... easy... don’t scream... Calm down...
ELVIRA: He wants to kill me... He’s here, reaching his hands toward my throat... Help... help...
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: It’s perfectly useless to ask that imbecile beside you for help...
ELVIRA: Let me explain first, Asdrubale... And then you may do with me whatever you wish... I wasn’t the one who poisoned you... It was Giovanni... Believe me, believe me... Giovanni was the one who put poison in your glass...
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: With your agreement. Because that was your vile scheme: to kill me, to get me out of the way, so you could go on doing as you pleased...
FRANCESCO: Giovanni? You poisoned... Elvira, did you poison someone? Merciful heavens! What are you saying?
ELVIRA: No, Asdrubale... I didn’t want to... I swear I didn’t want to...
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: Cowardly creature! You didn’t want to because you feared the consequences of the crime; but you longed for my death... how you longed for it... Ah, what joy, now, finally to be able to...
ELVIRA: Help... No... no... He’s killing me... he’s...
FRANCESCO: (Alarmed) Turn on the light... Professor... Professor... A murder is about to take place here... Elvira... Elvira...
PROFESSOR: Ah... what is it!... Again! You really are both mad... What do you want? I explained to you... that...
FRANCESCO: Professor, you don’t know what happens because you go to sleep and leave us at the mercy of the spirits...
PROFESSOR: But I told you that afterward...
FRANCESCO: Afterward, afterward! Look at my wife. She’s lying limp in that chair, and I don’t know whether she’s dead or merely unconscious. It seems the spirit of her first husband was here... having come expressly to kill her... But I ask you: you want to summon spirits, and you go and choose the most violent ones? First my wife... Now this other fellow...
PROFESSOR: Oh, to the devil with both of you... You’ve made even me lose my patience... I’m leaving... And please don’t come calling for me again, because this time I truly wash my hands of the whole affair... Good evening... (Door)
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: You got exactly what you deserved. Now I’m beginning to laugh, too... (Laughs) Ha... Ha... Ha...
(Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER: And now there are two spirits in the house... But that Asdrubale, too... what violence toward his widow, Donna Elvira... And now that the professor has washed his hands of the affair and refuses to concern himself with anything further, how will our poor Francesco ever manage?... That is what we shall learn tomorrow, when we hear the conclusion of the comedy “Spirits in the House,” brought to you by the Balbo Company, which presents “Laugh It Off” every day, Monday through Saturday, at this same hour.
(Closing Theme... fade...)
Would you like an excellent oil that is also economical in
price?... Try a gallon of BALBO oil! And join us again tomorrow at the same hour for another “Laugh It Off” program...
..."Laugh it off"...the gay, transcribed Comedy Program, will come to you again tomorrow at the same time, brought to you by the packers and distributors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: Balbo!
(Up with Theme to End)
COMMERCIAL RADIO SERVICE
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, N. Y.
Program: The Balbo Program No. 54
Station: Ridi che ti Passa
Sponsor: Balbo Oil Corporation
Date: Saturday, November 15th, 1947
“Spirits in the House”
(6th Episode)
Characters
Francesco Trippa................................Gigi Mattioli
Elvira........................................Ada Quintina
Assunta.........................................Rosa Veneziani
Asdrubale.......................................Gustavo Cecchini
Sound Effects
Echo Mike
Breaking dishes
Alarm Clock
(Opening Theme...fade...)
ANNOUNCER: ... “Ridi che ti Passa” ...
...Laugh it off...the gay, transcribed Comedy Program, brought to you daily - Monday through Saturday - at this time, by the packers and distributors of the ideal oil for table and kitchen: “Balbo”!
...the oil that gives you the most flavoring at the lowest cost.
And it is your purchases of BALBO oil that make this program possible. But are ALL of you listeners consumers of this excellent blended oil?..... If you still do not know it, do not wait any longer to ask your grocer for it.
We tell you that BALBO oil is exactly the kind of oil the Italian housewife wants for good cooking! That is what we tell you; but you are the ones who must try it and discover the truth of our claims! Give it a try—it will be entirely to your advantage! When you go shopping, remember to ask for BALBO oil!
And now, to bring you a little wholesome merriment, the Balbo Company presents “Ridi che ti Passa,” with Gigi Mattioli who—assisted by other talented performers—now brings us the final episode of the comedy: “Spirits in the House”!
Two decidedly unwelcome guests have arrived in the home of Francesco and Elvira Trippa: the spirits of Francesco’s former wife and Elvira’s former husband; and both of them seem to have evil intentions. The Professor—disturbed in the midst of his experiments—has gone away in annoyance, and now the two poor souls are left to struggle with the wrathful ghosts of their departed spouses.
How will this unprecedented situation ever end? We shall find out as we listen to the episode beginning now......
FRANCESCO: Elvira... Please, Elvira... Just take a sip... It’s cognac... It’ll revive you... It’ll give you back your strength...
ELVIRA: (With a moan) Oh, my head...
FRANCESCO: Come, darling... You’ll see, it’ll pass... it’ll pass... We must hold out now... Tomorrow we’ll leave... We’ll move to another house... we’ll sleep somewhere else, even in the street...
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: [handwritten: ✓] Excellent. You’d do well to leave... You wanted to throw me out, but it’s only right that you should go... Because this is my house.
FRANCESCO: For heaven’s sake, Assunta... leave me alone...
ELVIRA: I’m so frightened, Francesco... So frightened...
FRANCESCO: Can you still see that Asdrubale of yours?
ELVIRA: Yes. He’s standing beside the door, calling to me.
FRANCESCO: Don’t be afraid. I’m here.
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: Ah... ah... ah... I’ll send him flying out the window with a single breath...
ELVIRA: He said he’ll blow you out the window with one breath.
FRANCESCO: Let him try... We’ll see if he can do it... Besides, better to jump out the window and escape than to remain in the company of these ghosts.
ASSUNTA’S VOICE: [handwritten: ✓] Ah... but there was a time when you valued my company...
FRANCESCO: Assunta... Assunta... Don’t persist...
ELVIRA: But I don’t want you to go away... I don’t want to be left alone with him...
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: You’re afraid of me, are you? Too late... Your fear has come too late... I should have killed you before... Before your accomplice poisoned me... But I didn’t know then...
FRANCESCO: Elvira, I advise you to go to bed...
ELVIRA: To bed? How can we go to bed with the house full of spirits? [deleted: I won’t close my eyes not only tonight, but for several nights to come. Of that I’m certain...] [handwritten: You damned wretch,] I would rather suggest that we leave at once instead of waiting until tomorrow... Listen to me, Francesco... Let’s run away...
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: No one gets through here. I knew you would try to escape, and that’s why I placed myself in front of the door. Resign yourself to dying as I did.
ELVIRA: Oh, mercy... mercy... Asdrubale, you’re driving me mad...
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: That’s the least that can happen to you.
ELVIRA: Yes, I was wicked... But now I repent, and I’m burning with shame... Forgive me... forgive me...
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: You will never have my forgiveness.
FRANCESCO: But excuse me, Elvira... You must have got up to quite a few dirty tricks, to hear you talking like this...
ELVIRA: Later, Francesco... Later I’ll tell you everything, and explain it to you too...
FRANCESCO: What is there to explain... From what I’ve already gathered...
ELVIRA: Don’t torment me too, now... Please, Francesco... You’ll know everything.... Oh, if only I had believed you, if only I had listened when you said the Professor was talking to Assunta... he would never have come back to this house...
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: And then I would never have had the opportunity to appear before you... But it had been years, as I already told you... Years that I had waited for this moment. And now, at last, we can settle accounts.
FRANCESCO: Listen, Elvira. Staying here in the parlor, quarreling with shadows—and with each other—is not only completely useless, but dangerous as well. Let’s go to bed. I believe that—for the moment—is the best solution...
ELVIRA: How can you even think of such a thing? Do you really believe you’ll be able to close your eyes and rest?
FRANCESCO: We don’t have to sleep... We’ll lie down, fully dressed, on top of the covers, turn off the light, and wait for dawn. As soon as we see the first light, we’ll leave the house and decide what to do. We have to make a firm decision. Things certainly cannot go on like this... Let’s leave the two of them here and go away ourselves..... My wife approves... That is, the spirit of dear departed Assunta told me I’d do well to leave... Ask yours too... Perhaps he’ll like the idea... Then they’ll calm down... settle things between themselves, and perhaps leave us in peace... See what he says... Ask him... ask him.....
ELVIRA: Asdrubale... Listen to me, Asdrubale... I’d like to ask you something...
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: Stop acting so meek and pleading... I remember...
your voice very well, how it knew how to caress and deceive whenever you were preparing some new trick against me... What do you want now?
ELVIRA:
We’ll leave, Asdrubale... that’s what I want to ask you... Let us go, both me and him... Francesco. And you’ll remain here, free to do whatever you please...
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: Remain here? And what would you have me do here? I would have to be mad even to think of staying on earth, among creatures as cruel and stupid as men and women... I returned for one purpose alone... And you know what it is...
ELVIRA:
(to Francesco) He won’t agree. He says he has to kill me, and then he’ll leave. Francesco, try calling the police....
ASDRUBALE’S VOICE: Ah... Ah... ah... The police! That’s what everyone does: first they commit their evil deeds, and then they seek protection from the police... Go on... Try it yourself... See whether the telephone works, or whether all the wires have been cut...
FRANCESCO:
(on the Telephone) Hello... Hello... There must be something wrong with the line... I don’t seem to be getting through...
ELVIRA:
No... it’s him... Asdrubale cut the wires...
FRANCESCO:
Ah... that too? Oh, these blessed spirits—even they have to get up to mischief!
(Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER:
We shall bring you the conclusion of our comedy, along with some new surprises, in about a minute. But first, here is a suggestion: Do not spend more than necessary! Especially
on those products you use often, and which therefore amount to a considerable expense by the end of the year!.. Oil, for example, is just such a product. And since you use it every day, you must be sure to choose one that is good—that gives you complete satisfaction—without costing too much! We assure you that in the can bearing the BALBO label, you will always find an excellent oil, good for every use—and at a very reasonable price!.. But we certainly do not expect you to take our word for it. Instead, we say: try it! Buy a gallon of Balbo oil and see for yourself that Balbo oil gives you the most flavoring at the lowest cost! Join the thousands upon thousands of other connoisseurs who are satisfied and loyal consumers of Balbo oil!
(Musical Bridge)
And now we shall hear the second part of the sparkling comedy “Spirits in the House,” presented by the Balbo Company and starring comedian Gigi Mattioli. Francesco and Elvira have managed to escape into the bedroom and crawl, fully dressed, beneath the covers. But their refuge cannot save them from the persecution to which they are being subjected.
FRANCESCO: Where’s the alarm clock? I’d like to see what time it is.
ELVIRA: It should be on the nightstand.
FRANCESCO: I’m feeling around for it, but I can’t find it...
ELVIRA: Don’t turn on the light... It must be one o’clock... Five hours to go... Just enough time for us to lose our minds completely.
(A great crash of breaking dishes and glasses)
FRANCESCO: Listen... listen... what a racket... They’re smashing up the whole house. First they were slamming the doors... Now they’ve moved into the kitchen...
ELVIRA: Poor me... They must have broken everything I own...
FRANCESCO: Let them vent their fury... As long as we make it out alive...
ELVIRA: Do you think, Francesco, that if we called for help from the window, someone might come?
FRANCESCO: But I’ve already told you it’s impossible to open the windows... I tried, didn’t I? Stiff, stuck fast, as though they’d been nailed shut from outside... He must have done something to the windows, just as he did to the telephone... No, Elvira: there’s nothing we can do... Only wait... Wait for dawn to come...
ELVIRA: But even then we won’t be able to get out... What is it? Are you moving the bed?
FRANCESCO: No...
ELVIRA: Can’t you feel the bed rising...?
FRANCESCO: Ah... you’re right... Now they’re here in the room with us. (Lowering his voice) Keep quiet and don’t move... (An alarm clock rings)
ELVIRA: There’s the alarm clock...
FRANCESCO: They had taken it. But why can’t we see them anymore?
ELVIRA: Shhh!... So much the better... Let them do whatever they like... As long as they don’t appear before us...
FRANCESCO: Hey... Hey... Who’s dragging me out from under the covers...? Elvira... Elvira... Turn on the light... They’ve got me, you know? They’re carrying me away... Elvira...
(Musical Bridge)
ASSUNTA: Francesco? What is it? Oh, what a fright you gave me! Why did you turn on the light?
FRANCESCO: Ah... you’re here, Assunta? You’re alive? Oh, what a terrible fright!
ASSUNTA: What is it? What is it? Were you dreaming?
FRANCESCO: I’m drenched in sweat... What a nightmare!... Never in my life... Feel... feel how my heart is still pounding...
ASSUNTA: Oh, poor Francesco... Come now, lie back down... You’ll catch cold... But what were you dreaming about?
FRANCESCO: What was I dreaming about? But was it really a dream, or... those two... Elvira... Addrubale... [handwritten: had]
ASSUNTA: Tell me, darling, tell me...
FRANCESCO: Thank heaven!..... Oh, my Assunta, how happy I am to see you, to speak to you, to feel your hands because... because I thought you were dead...
ASSUNTA: What can you do? We dream all sorts of things...
FRANCESCO: ...and I had married again...
ASSUNTA: (Laughing) Oh, Francesco...
FRANCESCO: ...and this new wife was a widow, just as I was a widower...
ASSUNTA: Ah... really?...
FRANCESCO: And your spirit and the spirit of her first husband had come into the house... summoned by the Professor...
ASSUNTA: Of course: since we talked about spirits and séances with the Professor last night, you dreamed all those things... It’s only natural...
FRANCESCO: But what a fright, Assunta... You put me through an hour I’ll never forget...
ASSUNTA: You’re not going to blame me for it, I hope...
FRANCESCO: No, darling... Of course not... It wasn’t your fault... You’re an angel... And if I were ever unfaithful to you, if I ever did such a thing, I truly would deserve to suffer the torments of hell...
ASSUNTA: Well... let’s go back to sleep now... Good night, Francesco...
FRANCESCO: Oh... blessed dreams... Good night... Good night, Assunta... (Musical Bridge)
ANNOUNCER: And so ends the comedy “Spirits in the House”... Another hilarious comedy will begin at this same time on Monday, also brought to you by the Balbo Company, which—every day from Monday through Saturday at this hour—brings you the program “Laugh and It’ll Pass.”
(Closing Theme... fade...)
Make your dishes even tastier: try Balbo oil. And join us again on Monday, at the same time, for another episode of “Laugh and It’ll Pass.”
