“Only the Woman Knows” is a short domestic stage play (comic-satirical drama) set in a typical American middle-class living room, where telephones and offstage voices suggest later interruptions and social pressure. The central couple are Alfred Reade, about fifty, and his wife Martha Lawson Reade, about forty. The play opens with exaggerated marital tenderness: Alfred surprises Martha with earrings and celebrates their “fateful” Wednesdays, then proudly announces that a newspaper has chosen them as the city’s “ideal couple” and will honor them at a public dinner. He plans a speech comparing marriage to a carriage pulled by two horses and claims the secret of happiness is “merely the woman,” prompting Martha to rehearse dutiful wifely virtues (love, fidelity, respect, consolation, good meals).
The tone shifts when Mr. Brush, a lawyer, arrives with startling news: Martha has been left $50,000 by a California man, James Norton, with the stipulation that she forgive him and have a monthly mass said for him. Martha insists she has never heard the name, but Alfred immediately suspects a hidden connection, and the gift begins to corrode the couple’s carefully performed harmony. The truncated ending points toward escalating mistrust and the exposure of a past that Martha may alone understand.
by FRANCO LALLI
Alfred Reade, about 50 years old, husband of Martha Lawson Reade, about 40 years old
Mr. Brush, a lawyer
Sandra, Martha's friend
Four womens' voices
Two mens' voices
Average American middle-class living-room
Telephones
Telephone peal
SET: THE LIVING ROOM OF A MIDDLE-CLASS HOME.
TIME: THE PRESENT
(BRINGING HIS HANDS FORWARD AND SHOUTING)
AS THE SCENE OPENS, MARTHA IS SEATED, HER BACK TO THE DOOR. ALFRED APPEARS IN THE DOORWAY, HIS HANDS BEHIND HIS BACK. HE IS EVIDENTLY HIDING SOMETHING.
ALFRED
Close your eyes! Close your eyes!
MARTHA
(STARTLED, SHE CLOSES THE MAGAZINE SHE HAS BEEN READING AND TURNS ABRUPTLY)
Oh, Alfred! You frightened me. I hadn't heard you enter.
ALFRED
(WITHOUT MOVING)
Close your eyes! Close your eyes...and your mouth!
MARTHA
What is it?
(GUESSING)
You shouldn't have spent your money so.
ALFRED
(CROSSING TO HIS WIFE AND STOPPING NEAR HER)
First, a kiss?
MARTHA
(KISSING HIM)
Here's your kiss.
ALFRED
(TURNING HIS OTHER CHEEK)
I'm a glutton for punishment; give me another on this cheek.
MARTHA
(KISSING HIM AGAIN)
MARTHA
Well...Let me see.
ALFRED
(BRINGING HIS HANDS FORWARD AND SHOWING A SMALL PARCEL)
Take it easy: I'll open it. Close your eyes.
MARTHA
Oh Alfred, don't be an infant....and at your age, too. Besides....you shouldn't squander your money.
ALFRED
What do you mean: "squander"? It's money well spent when it's for my little wife.
MARTHA
But really, darling.... a gift for me the first Wednesday of every month?
ALFRED
I was born on a Wednesday, I met you on a Wednesday and we were married on a Wednesday. It's my fateful day and we must celebrate it at least once a month.
MARTHA
Now don't tell me you've bought me another ring?
ALFRED
Very cold, very cold: it isn't a ring.
MARTHA
A watch?
ALFRED
You're getting colder and colder.
MARTHA
Don't tease, Alfred and don't keep me in suspense: show me what you've bought me!
ALFRED
(OPENING THE PARCEL AND DISPLAYING THE CONTENTS)
MARTHA
(DELIGHTED)
MARTHA
Ear-rings!
ALFRED
(NOTICING THE EFFECT THE GIFT HAS PRODUCED)
Like them?
MARTHA
They are lovely! Exquisite!
ALFRED
Try them on, try them on...Let me see them on you.
MARTHA
Let me fix my hair first. Why this is really an exceptional gift!
ALFRED
And why shouldn't it be? It's for an exceptional occasion! I bought them for you to wear at the dinner in our honor.
(POMPOUSLY GESTURING IN THE DIRECTION OF HIS WIFE AND HIMSELF)
The dinner they are giving for us for being the "ideal couple"!
MARTHA
(HESITANT)
Then...it's really true?
ALFRED
True? Why only this morning the editor of the "Village Vanguard) came to see me and we settled on the details.. It's his newspaper's project; the paper chose us from among its readers as the ideal couple.
MARTHA
It still seems like a dream to me. The more I think about it, the more it seems impossible that we two should have been chosen from among all the entrants in the city.
ALFRED
And why not? Why shouldn't we have been chosen? Aren't ALFRED (cont'd)
We always in complete accordance? Aren't we harmony itself? And doesn't each year that passes find us more and more in tune? We are truly kindred souls, darling. It is all a miracle, a genuine miracle.
MARTHA
It really is and we should be very grateful, Alfred. We've been very fortunate.
ALFRED
To go back to what I was saying, the editor said to me: "The judges have deemed your letter the best of the thousands received since it describes a marriage that should be the American ideal. We should like our readers to meet the ideal American couple at a dinner we have arranged in their honor".
MARTHA
Did he really say that?
ALFRED
He certainly did - and he should really know about marriage - he's been divorced three times! He also wants us to grant his feature reporter an interview for a human interest story - with photographs! And you'd better be photogenic - or that would be the end of our ideal union!
MARTHA
Be serious, Alfred and tell me what else he said.
ALFRED
He said that in the interview I'm to disclose the secret of our happy marriage.
MARTHA
(SMILING)
And just what will you say?
ALFRED
(ASSUMING THE DIGNITY AND POSE OF AN ORATOR)
I'll be brief. I'll say: "My friends, the pessimists, the skeptics and the cynics say that marriage strikes the death knell of love and that woman is the cross marking the grave...."
MARTHA MARTHA
(JOKING)
How you flatter me!
ALFRED
Those are just fill-in lines. After that I'll say...
(ONCE AGAIN THE POMPOUS ORATOR)
"Marriage is a carriage, a horse-drawn landau. If the horses pull together and keep a steady trot, the carriage is borne far comfortably and smoothly and the ride is delightful. But if one horse pulls in one direction and the other shies in the other, then the carriage topples over into a ditch and everything is topsy-turvy!"
(PAUSE)
Well, how does that metaphor strike you? Does it put across the idea?
MARTHA
It certainly does, but...how about the secret of marital happiness? That is what you're supposed to reveal. At least, that's what you told me.
ALFRED
I will, later...I'll bombard them with the secret at the end. I'll say: Ladies and Gentlemen: the secret for happiness in marriage is merely the woman.
MARTHA
(SUDDENLY STRUCK BY A FRIGHTENING IDEA)
Oh! I do hope they don't interview me!
ALFRED
Why shouldn't they? I, myself, suggested it to them!
MARTHA
(WORRIED)
That's all I need! And what should I say?
ALFRED
You'll analyze the problem from the woman's point of view. You'll tell what a woman must do to make her husband's life happy.
MARTHA
First of all, she must love her husband and be faithful to him.
ALFREDO
(PLEASED)
That's right!
MARTHA
Then she must respect him: she must have faith in his judgment, his work and his future.
ALFRED
(WITH GROWING SATISFACTION)
That's precious advice! Precious advice: That is why we have been chosen to set the example! We are the pillars: we must sustain society.
(BOWING TO MARTA)
Continue, dear!
MARTHA
A wife must console her husband in his afflictions, bolster him in his struggles.
ALFRED
A beautiful thought! I'm almost tempted to plagiarize and use it in my speech.
MARTHA
In conclusion: she must prepare him good meals!
ALFRED
Incidentally! When I came in, I thought I caught...
(SNIFFING)
a certain delectable aroma...
MARTHA
Try to guess.
ALFRED
(SNIFFLING MORE DELIBERATELY)
Stuffed peppers.
MARTHA
You're a very bad cook, with your nose!
ALFRED
Veal scaloppine.
MARTHA
No...no...It's a dish you're crazy about.
ALFRED
Artichokes...
MARTHA
...with Italian ham.
ALFRED
You're adorable!
MARTHA
Now let me run along...
(THE DOORBELL RINGS)
ALFRED
Expecting anyone?
MARTHA
No. Let's see who it is.
(SHE GOES TO THE DOOR. RE-ENTERS WITH MR. BRUSH)
MR. BRUSH
(HE IS THIN, NEARSIGHTED AND CARRIES A LARGE BRIEFCASE)
Pardon me...Er...I'm Mr. Brush, an attorney. I'm searching for Martha Lawson, married to Alfred Reade.
MARTHA
(SURPRISED, LOOKS FROM HER HUSBAND TO THE LAWYER)
I am Martha Lawson...
(BY WAY OF INTRODUCTION)
Alfred Reade, my husband.
MR. BRUSH
How do you do.
ALFRED
(PUZZLED)
How do you do. Sit down, won't you?
MR. BRUSH
Thank you... I've come in person because I wasn't sure of the address.
ALFRED
What can we do for you?
MR. BRUSH
(SITTING AND OPENING HIS BRIEFCASE)
I'll get right to the point. Right to the point! I've received a letter from a colleague of mine in California who has asked me to seek out Martha Lawson, residing at so-and-so, so-and-so..., and inform her of a legacy.
ALFRED AND MARTHA
(SIMULTANEOUSLY - DELIGHTED)
A legacy?
MR. BRUSH
Yes. First of all, I should like to congratulate the fortunate lady.
ALFRED
(CEREMONIOUSLY)
Thank you. Let me take your briefcase, Attorney, it must be quite a load.
MR. BRUSH
(RELINQUISHING THE BRIEFCASE)
Thank you.... Thank you....
MARTHA
(OVERLY CORDIAL)
Please sit here.... You might find it more comfortable.
MR. BRUSH
Please don't bother. I'm very comfortable here, very comfortable. Now then, the legacy in question amounts to fifty thousand dollars.
ALFRED
Whew! fifty thousand dollars!
(TO MARTHA)
And who is the generous benefactor?
MR. BRUSH
This legacy was bequeathed to your wife, Martha Lawson Reade by Mr. James Norton.
ALFRED AND MARTHA
(LOOKING INCREDULOUSLY AT EACH OTHER)
James Morton?
ALFRED
And who is James Norton?
MARTHA
I'm flabbergasted!
ALFRED
(TO MR. BRUSH)
James Norton, then, has left my wife fifty thousand dollars? Why?
MR. BRUSH
The will does not indicate the motive for the donation... Perhaps he was a distant relative.
ALFRED
We...she doesn't have any relatives in California..Right Martha?
MARTHA
(CONFUSED)
I just can't understand it....James Norton; I've never even heard his name until now.
ALFRED
Tell me, Attorney Brush, , just who was this James Norton?
MR. BRUSH
[unclear: What are you insinuating now? Let you, for a moment, think that....]
MR. BRUSH
As I said before: the letter...
(SHOWING IT)
Here it is...it explains that the will does not specify the motive...But Mrs. Reade should know something about him because I've been directed:
(READING)
to seek out...etc...etc...and inform Martha Lawson Reade that "James Norton left her fifty thousand dollars with the stipulation that she forgive him and that she have a mass said for him every month."
ALFRED
(OVERWHELMED)
What was that? What was that? I don't think I heard right...Read it again, please...Read it again...
MR. BRUSH
(READING)
...that Mr...etc...etc...bequeaths to...etc.etc... fifty thousand dollars with the stipulation that she forgive him and that she have a mass said for him every month." Those are the textual words of the will.
ALFRED
(TO MARTHA)
Then there's something rotten in the state of California....You knew the gentleman!
MARTHA
(ALMOST INDIGNANT)
What are you raving about?
ALFRED
Obviously...if he says you must forgive him...and have monthly masses said for him! Now really, it stands to reason that.....
MARTHA
(RESENTFUL)
That what? What are you insinuating now? Do you, for a moment, think that....
ALFRED
(INTERRUPTING)
I do not think! But Mr. Broome, here,
MR. BRUSH
Excuse me, I'm Attorney Brush...
ALFRED
Of course...I can't remember names...Maybe you can't either...or maybe there are other "Martha Lawson's".
MR. BRUSH
There are...scores of them...
(OBVIOUS RELIEF ON ALFRED'S FACE)
MR. BRUSH
...especially since Mr. Norton's will was made public... and that is why I've taken such pains in my investigations.
(ALFRED CRESTFALLEN AGAIN)
MR. BRUSH
(PROUDLY)
It wasn't an easy matter but at last I've separated the chaff from the wheat and I'm certain that my search is at an end.
ALFRED
(DESPERATELY)
You're sure it's not chaff this time? Not even a little?
MR. BRUSH
Positive.
(TO MARTHA)
You are Martha Reade, nee Lawson, aren't you?
MARTHA
Yes.
MR. BRUSH
And you, Mr. Alfred Reade, you are her husband, aren't you?
ALFRED ALFRED
(PREOCCUPIED)
You're the lawyer...
MR. BRUSH
Then all that remains to be done is to follow the legal procedure and collect the money. Whether or not you knew the deceased James Norton is of no importance. The fact remains that he has been very free... with his fortune... and he has left you, Mrs. Reade, the handsome sum of fifty thousand dollars...
ALFRED
It would have seemed much more handsome if he had left it to me, instead.
MR. BRUSH
What difference does it make who the nominal beneficiary is? The money is still coming to this house. Mr. Norton has proven to be your benefactor, too.
ALFRED
That is a debatable point. You see, five minutes ago my wife was enumerating the various ways of keeping husbands happy and now I find myself wondering...
MR. BRUSH
I'm wondering, too...
ALFRED
(ALARMED)
About what?
MR. BRUSH
(SNIFFING)
What that wonderful odor might be...
ALFRED
It might be the artichokes burning!
(INDIGNANTLY)
I hope you're satisfied with your day's work, Mr. Sweeper!
MR. BRUSH MR. BRUSH
(NONPLUSSED)
Excuse me, it's "Broome"
ALFRED
That's not important. What is important is the fact that, today, you've not only made us ruin my favorite dish...
MR. BRUSH
(STARTLED)
I have?
ALFRED
(MORE AND MORE INCENSED)
...but you've also done a good job of ruining my home! You and your Mr. Norton and his measly fifty thousand dollars!
MR. BRUSH
(TO HIMSELF)
He's stark raving mad!
(TO MARTHA)
Mrs. Reade, you're a sensible....
MARTHA
(PIQUED)
I have nothing to say to you...
ALFRED
(IN A FURY)
Artichokes, speech and twenty years' happiness...all ruined by a prying nitwit of a lawyer who doesn't even know his own name!
END OF PART ONE
THIS SCENE SHOULD SUGGEST THE RAPID SPREADING AND EMBROIDERING OF JUICY GOSSIP. PHONES RINGING—HANDS PICKING UP THE RECEIVERS. VOICES ALONE FIGURE IN THE SCENE.
FIRST WOMAN'S VOICE
Have you heard the latest? The "ideal wife" we have in our midst?
SECOND WOMAN'S VOICE
That's a rich one!.. "Ideal wife" indeed. Wonder whether she'll still strike her "holier-than-thou" pose with us.
FIRST WOMAN'S VOICE
Now we can give her a dose of her own medicine!
DISSOLVE
(PHONE RINGS)
THIRD WOMAN'S VOICE
Hello, Darling, I was just about to call you. Have you heard about our "Lovely Rose of the Wildwood" upstairs? Martha Reade, of course. The "ideal wife" our husbands have been crowing about. It would serve them right if we did pattern ourselves on her as they have frequently suggested!
FOURTH WOMAN'S VOICE
I understand that her husband has refused the fifty thousand dollars and that it's been one squabble after another since the skeletons have come out of the closets. He had a pretty big one to hide, too, you know.
THIRD WOMAN'S VOICE
They can't fool their neighbors any more but they are still trying to hoodwink the public at large. I'm curious to know what the secret of their present happiness is.
FOURTH WOMAN'S VOICE
I hadn't planned to, originally, but now I must see the lovey-dovey farce they will have to stage at the dinner in their honor. It will almost be worth the preposterous cover charge we'll have to pay. "The Ideal American Couple" alias "The Battling Reades"!
THIRD WOMAN'S VOICE
Or it might even be a meller-drama entitled: "What Price Fifty Thousand Smackers?"
(WOMEN'S LAUGHTER)
DISSOLVE
(PHONE RINGS)
FIRST MAN'S VOICE
You're the editor of the paper that ballyhooed them as the "Ideal American Couple" and it's up to you to decide. Those of us on the Dinner Committee are afraid to go ahead with the original plans. Your rival editors are biding their time. If you give the dinner for the Reade's there will be no punches drawn and no holds barred...
SECOND MAN'S VOICE
You mean the Reade's will start scrapping again?
FIRST MAN'S VOICE
I mean your competitors will pitch into you and ridicule your paper, your writers, the contests you dream up and the contestants who win them.
SECOND MAN'S VOICE
Don't you think they will be even more ruthless if I call the whole thing off? Give me a few days' time before making a final decision. I've sent one of my finest men to California to ferret out the truth and to get the whole story on this Norton fellow: who he was, when and how he knew Mrs. Reade, why and when they stopped seeing each other.
FIRST MAN'S VOICE
Great idea. Sure I'll wait.
SECOND MAN'S VOICE
You'll hear from me as soon as I have all the information I want. It might be tomorrow, it might not be until the day after but I'll let you know.
DISSOLVE
SCENE THREE
SAME SET AS FOR PART ONE. MARTHA IS SEATED AS THE SCENE OPENS AND SANDRA IS STANDING NEAR THE WINDOW, HER BACK TO MARTHA. SANDRA IS PREOCCUPIED IN HER OWN THOUGHTS.
SANDRA
(TURNING AWAY FROM THE WINDOW AND CROSSING TO MARTHA)
What nonsense! Who would be conspiring against you?
SANDRA
Forgive me for harping upon it, darling, but I must be frank with you. There are all sorts of wild rumours that....
MARTHA
(DISDAINFUL - COLD)
I'm not interested.
SANDRA
(ON THE VERGE OF EXPLODING)
But you see, dear, it does interest me because I'm in the Woman's Auxiliary responsible for organizing the entertainment for the "Ideal Couple" dinner and we now find we're in a terrible... ("MESS" IS THE WORD INTENDED)
MARTHA
(DRILY)
That's no concern of mine. You and the Woman's Auxiliary may do as you please. It was your idea not mine.
SANDRA
Why do you take that attitude? Can't you see our side of it? All the tickets are sold, the entertainment booked and all arrangements made.
MARTHA
Just what do you expect me to do?
SANDRA
To tell me the truth. Open your heart - at least to your old and faithful friends - and tell me everything!
MARTHA
I've already told you all there is to tell. These last five days have poisoned all those years of happiness. Now it's as though I had always been unhappy... (BRIEF PAUSE)
It's a conspiracy. I know it's a conspiracy!
SANDRA
What nonsense! Who would be conspiring against you?
MARTHA
All the so-called "ladies" who felt cheated because I won the contest and who deluded themselves into believing they were....what I have been!
SANDRA
And was it those "ladies", too, who conspired to bequeath you fifty thousand dollars?
MARTHA
(RISING ANGRILY)
More insinuations! I've had enough of them from my husband and everyone else...I won't take any more!
SHE EXITS HURRIEDLY, SLAMMING THE DOOR. SANDRA, UNDECIDED, LOOKS FOR HER PURSE—FINDS IT—PREPARES TO LEAVE, JUST THEN ALFRED ENTERS. HE IS SILENT AND MOROSE AND MEANDERS ABOUT THE ROOM LISTLESSLY, HIS HEAD BOWED).
SANDRA
(AFTER SEARCHING HIM WITH HER GAZE)
Mr. Reade...The situation here is becoming more involved.
ALFRED
And so am I...
SANDRA
Something must be done!
ALFRED
Enough has been done already! We'd better not talk about it...My heart is heavy and full like that of an ox! My wife...I adored her....and now we're arch-enemies!
SANDRA
Have you tried persuading her with kindness? Have you talked her into telling you who that generous Mr. Norton was. It's hard to say, but sometimes...
ALFRED
I've tried everything. She denies it all. Just to encourage her to talk I even confessed to....er,er,er....a few trifling sins I had on my conscience...Er..er..er...you understand, we men.....I said to her: "I'll get on my knees before you and confess myself. You must try to ease your conscience too."
SANDRA
Of course, that's just what she should do... always had blind and unshakable faith in my wife and I should like...
ALFRED
(IRONICALLY)
We're all human... No one is perfect...
to make it up to her. But whenever I think of that Mass... Oh... SANDRA
I understand... I understand... We all know that... sometimes...
ALFRED STOPS PACING AND LOOKS AT SANDRA SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A BULL LOWERING HIS HEAD AND PREPARING TO FACE DANGER)
SANDRA
Oh, nothing of any consequence, of course! An innocent flirtation....
(ALFRED CONTINUES STARING AT HER NOT TOO CONVINCED)
What woman has not had an admirer or two? Or a few suitors? Especially during her youth. What I mean is that perhaps if you encourage her to rake up the past...
ALFRED
It doesn't work! It's impossible to unseal her lips.
(STARTING TO PACE AGAIN)
That first night, after the scene I made, I began to cry. Believe me, it is better to argue and scrap every day; you become casehardened. But when you have had year after year of peace and happiness and then, suddenly, there is bitterness... it is terrible, unbearable. One drop of impurity can contaminate a whole reservoir!
SANDRA
How I pity both of you! The most admired and envied couple in town.
ALFRED
And now this ghost comes to spoil everything... At least, if Norton were still alive... I'd grab him by the collar and force him to tell what is behind all this. But he's dead and she's not talking! Do you see what the situation is?
SANDRA
(PICKS UP THE RECEIVING)
I certainly do... I certainly do...
(LOWERING THE MOUTHPIECE)
SANDRA
ALFRED
It's the editor of that paper which selected Martha. And yet, I'd still prefer not to believe. I've always had blind and unshakable faith in my wife and I should like... (SINCERELY) Send him to blazes! He's the one who started this whole thing to make it up to her. But whenever I think of that Mass... Oh... whenever I think of that Mass, I go wild.
SANDRA
(INTO THE PHONE)
(PUZZLED)
Which mass?
ALFRED
Oh, haven't you heard about that clause in the will? Why that's the clause that spoiled everything! Why? Let us be honest with ourselves: every one would like fifty thousand dollars. Who would refuse them? But... but... Ah! (OPENING HIS ARMS IN A GESTURE OF DESPAIR) ...When I heard the mass...
SANDRA
(MORE PUZZLED THAN EVER)
You heard the mass...?
ALFRED
I mean: when I heard that there was a clause referring to monthly masses... Tell me, what would you have done in my place?
SANDRA
But I don't understand...
(THE PHONE RINGS)
ALFRED
I'm not going to answer it! I have no explanations to give to anyone.
(HANGS UP THEN CALLS)
SANDRA
I'll answer it!
(PICKS UP THE RECEIVER)
Hello... Oh, yes, one moment please.
(LOWERING THE MOUTHPIECE)
SANDRA
It's the editor of that paper which selected Martha and yourself as the "Ideal Couple".
ALFRED
Send him to blazes! He's the one who started this whole rotten mess!
SANDRA
(INTO THE PHONE)
I'll call her right away... One moment please.
(CALLING)
Martha... Martha...
(THERE IS NO ANSWER)
Where is she?
(ALFRED SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS)
(SANDRA EXITS TO CALL MARTHA)
ALFRED
What does he want?
(HE LOOKS AT THE PHONE, IS UNDECIDED, AND FINALLY PICKS IT UP)
This is Alfred Reade speaking. What is it? Great news? Well hurry up, tell me...
(AS HE LISTENS HIS FACE LIGHTS UP WITH JOY)
Are you sure? There's absolutely no doubt about it? Well now, everything becomes clear... Certainly... Come right over... as fast as you can... Oh, of course, I knew it all the time! Of course, of course!
WHILE ALFRED IS STILL ON THE PHONE, MARTHA AND SANDRA ENTER
We'll be expecting you. Yes, my wife is here, too. Thank you, thank you and we'll see you soon!
(HE HANGS UP THEN CALLS)
Martha!
(HE TURNS AND SEES MARTHA IN THE ROOM)
My darling! Forgive me! Now we know everything. I was just speaking with the editor.
MARATHA
(COOL, IMPASSIVE, SHE LOOKS ON WITHOUT ANSWERING)
SANDRA
(ANXIOUS)
Come now, tell us...
ALFRED
We have found out who James Norton is. A reporter has discovered the truth. James Norton is the man responsible for your father's bankruptcy; he swindled him out of more than fifty thousand dollars!
SANDRA
Then this is his way of settling accounts?
ALFRED
Yes. Apparently he was overcome by remorse when he was on his deathbed...And since Martha is the only child of the man he ruined, she is the one he designated as his beneficiary. You see now why he sought her forgiveness and why he made that puzzling-and misleading- request for monthly memorial services.
(TRIUMPHANT)
I knew there must have been some such explanation...
MARATHA
(SITTING DOWN WITH AN OBVIOUS SIGH OF RELIEF)
(ASIDE)
I'm glad there was...What a scare I've had!
THE END
This is part 1 of 3. Maintain consistent style and terminology across parts.
by FRANCO LALLI
Alfred Reade, about 50 years old, husband of Martha Lawson Reade, about 40 years old
Mr. Brush, a lawyer
Sandra, Martha's friend
Four womens' voices
Two mens' voices
Average American middle-class living-room
Telephones
Telephone peal
SET: THE LIVING ROOM OF A MIDDLE-CLASS HOME.
TIME: THE PRESENT
(BRINGING HIS HANDS FORWARD AND SHOUTING)
AS THE SCENE OPENS, MARTHA IS SEATED, HER BACK TO THE DOOR. ALFRED APPEARS IN THE DOORWAY, HIS HANDS BEHIND HIS BACK. HE IS EVIDENTLY HIDING SOMETHING.
ALFRED
Close your eyes! Close your eyes!
MARTHA
(STARTLED, SHE CLOSES THE MAGAZINE SHE HAS BEEN READING AND TURNS ABRUPTLY)
Oh, Alfred! You frightened me. I hadn't heard you enter.
ALFRED
(WITHOUT MOVING)
Close your eyes! Close your eyes...and your mouth!
MARTHA
What is it?
(GUESSING)
You shouldn't have spent your money so.
ALFRED
(CROSSING TO HIS WIFE AND STOPPING NEAR HER)
First, a kiss?
MARTHA
(KISSING HIM)
Here's your kiss.
ALFRED
(TURNING HIS OTHER CHEEK)
I'm a glutton for punishment; give me another on this cheek.
MARTHA
(KISSING HIM AGAIN)
MARTHA
Well...Let me see.
ALFRED
(BRINGING HIS HANDS FORWARD AND SHOWING A SMALL PARCEL)
Take it easy: I'll open it. Close your eyes.
MARTHA
Oh Alfred, don't be an infant....and at your age, too. Besides....you shouldn't squander your money.
ALFRED
What do you mean: "squander"? It's money well spent when it's for my little wife.
MARTHA
But really, darling.... a gift for me the first Wednesday of every month?
ALFRED
I was born on a Wednesday, I met you on a Wednesday and we were married on a Wednesday. It's my fateful day and we must celebrate it at least once a month.
MARTHA
Now don't tell me you've bought me another ring?
ALFRED
Very cold, very cold: it isn't a ring.
MARTHA
A watch?
ALFRED
You're getting colder and colder.
MARTHA
Don't tease, Alfred and don't keep me in suspense: show me what you've bought me!
ALFRED
(OPENING THE PARCEL AND DISPLAYING THE CONTENTS)
MARTHA
(DELIGHTED)
MARTHA
Ear-rings!
ALFRED
(NOTICING THE EFFECT THE GIFT HAS PRODUCED)
Like them?
MARTHA
They are lovely! Exquisite!
ALFRED
Try them on, try them on...Let me see them on you.
MARTHA
Let me fix my hair first. Why this is really an exceptional gift!
ALFRED
And why shouldn't it be? It's for an exceptional occasion! I bought them for you to wear at the dinner in our honor.
(POMPOUSLY GESTURING IN THE DIRECTION OF HIS WIFE AND HIMSELF)
The dinner they are giving for us for being the "ideal couple"!
MARTHA
(HESITANT)
Then...it's really true?
ALFRED
True? Why only this morning the editor of the "Village Vanguard) came to see me and we settled on the details.. It's his newspaper's project; the paper chose us from among its readers as the ideal couple.
MARTHA
It still seems like a dream to me. The more I think about it, the more it seems impossible that we two should have been chosen from among all the entrants in the city.
ALFRED
And why not? Why shouldn't we have been chosen? Aren't
ALFRED (cont'd)
We always in complete accordance? Aren't we harmony itself? And doesn't each year that passes find us more and more in tune? We are truly kindred souls, darling. It is all a miracle, a genuine miracle.
MARTHA
It really is and we should be very grateful, Alfred. We've been very fortunate.
ALFRED
To go back to what I was saying, the editor said to me: "The judges have deemed your letter the best of the thousands received since it describes a marriage that should be the American ideal. We should like our readers to meet the ideal American couple at a dinner we have arranged in their honor".
MARTHA
Did he really say that?
ALFRED
He certainly did - and he should really know about marriage - he's been divorced three times! He also wants us to grant his feature reporter an interview for a human interest story - with photographs! And you'd better be photogenic - or that would be the end of our ideal union!
MARTHA
Be serious, Alfred and tell me what else he said.
ALFRED
He said that in the interview I'm to disclose the secret of our happy marriage.
MARTHA
(SMILING)
And just what will you say?
ALFRED
(ASSUMING THE DIGNITY AND POSE OF AN ORATOR)
I'll be brief. I'll say: "My friends, the pessimists, the skeptics and the cynics say that marriage strikes the death knell of love and that woman is the cross marking the grave...."
MARTHA
MARTHA
(JOKING)
How you flatter me!
ALFRED
Those are just fill-in lines. After that I'll say...
(ONCE AGAIN THE POMPOUS ORATOR)
"Marriage is a carriage, a horse-drawn landau. If the horses pull together and keep a steady trot, the carriage is borne far comfortably and smoothly and the ride is delightful. But if one horse pulls in one direction and the other shies in the other, then the carriage topples over into a ditch and everything is topsy-turvy!"
(PAUSE)
Well, how does that metaphor strike you? Does it put across the idea?
MARTHA
It certainly does, but...how about the secret of marital happiness? That is what you're supposed to reveal. At least, that's what you told me.
ALFRED
I will, later...I'll bombard them with the secret at the end. I'll say: Ladies and Gentlemen: the secret for happiness in marriage is merely the woman.
MARTHA
(SUDDENLY STRUCK BY A FRIGHTENING IDEA)
Oh! I do hope they don't interview me!
ALFRED
Why shouldn't they? I, myself, suggested it to them!
MARTHA
(WORRIED)
That's all I need! And what should I say?
ALFRED
You'll analyze the problem from the woman's point of view. You'll tell what a woman must do to make her husband's life happy.
MARTHA
First of all, she must love her husband and be faithful to him.
ALFREDO
(PLEASED)
That's right!
MARTHA
Then she must respect him: she must have faith in his judgment, his work and his future.
ALFRED
(WITH GROWING SATISFACTION)
That's precious advice! Precious advice: That is why we have been chosen to set the example! We are the pillars: we must sustain society.
(BOWING TO MARTA)
Continue, dear!
MARTHA
A wife must console her husband in his afflictions, bolster him in his struggles.
ALFRED
A beautiful thought! I'm almost tempted to plagiarize and use it in my speech.
MARTHA
In conclusion: she must prepare him good meals!
ALFRED
Incidentally! When I came in, I thought I caught...
(SNIFFING)
a certain delectable aroma...
MARTHA
Try to guess.
ALFRED
(SNIFFLING MORE DELIBERATELY)
Stuffed peppers.
MARTHA
You're a very bad cook, with your nose!
ALFRED
Veal scaloppine.
MARTHA
No...no...It's a dish you're crazy about.
ALFRED
Artichokes...
MARTHA
...with Italian ham.
ALFRED
You're adorable!
MARTHA
Now let me run along...
(THE DOORBELL RINGS)
ALFRED
Expecting anyone?
MARTHA
No. Let's see who it is.
(SHE GOES TO THE DOOR. RE-ENTERS WITH MR. BRUSH)
MR. BRUSH
(HE IS THIN, NEARSIGHTED AND CARRIES A LARGE BRIEFCASE)
Pardon me...Er...I'm Mr. Brush, an attorney. I'm searching for Martha Lawson, married to Alfred Reade.
MARTHA
(SURPRISED, LOOKS FROM HER HUSBAND TO THE LAWYER)
I am Martha Lawson...
(BY WAY OF INTRODUCTION)
Alfred Reade, my husband.
MR. BRUSH
How do you do.
ALFRED
(PUZZLED)
How do you do. Sit down, won't you?
MR. BRUSH
Thank you... I've come in person because I wasn't sure of the address.
ALFRED
What can we do for you?
MR. BRUSH
(SITTING AND OPENING HIS BRIEFCASE)
I'll get right to the point. Right to the point! I've received a letter from a colleague of mine in California who has asked me to seek out Martha Lawson, residing at so-and-so, so-and-so..., and inform her of a legacy.
ALFRED AND MARTHA
(SIMULTANEOUSLY - DELIGHTED)
A legacy?
MR. BRUSH
Yes. First of all, I should like to congratulate the fortunate lady.
ALFRED
(CEREMONIOUSLY)
Thank you. Let me take your briefcase, Attorney, it must be quite a load.
MR. BRUSH
(RELINQUISHING THE BRIEFCASE)
Thank you.... Thank you....
MARTHA
(OVERLY CORDIAL)
Please sit here.... You might find it more comfortable.
MR. BRUSH
Please don't bother. I'm very comfortable here, very comfortable. Now then, the legacy in question amounts to fifty thousand dollars.
ALFRED
Whew! fifty thousand dollars!
(TO MARTHA)
And who is the generous benefactor?
MR. BRUSH
This legacy was bequeathed to your wife, Martha Lawson Reade by Mr. James Norton.
ALFRED AND MARTHA
(LOOKING INCREDULOUSLY AT EACH OTHER)
James Morton?
ALFRED
And who is James Norton?
MARTHA
I'm flabbergasted!
ALFRED
(TO MR. BRUSH)
James Norton, then, has left my wife fifty thousand dollars? Why?
MR. BRUSH
The will does not indicate the motive for the donation... Perhaps he was a distant relative.
ALFRED
We...she doesn't have any relatives in California..Right Martha?
MARTHA
(CONFUSED)
I just can't understand it....James Norton; I've never even heard his name until now.
ALFRED
Tell me, Attorney Brush, , just who was this James Norton?
MR. BRUSH
[unclear: What are you insinuating now? Let you, for a moment, think that....]
MR. BRUSH
As I said before: the letter...
(SHOWING IT)
Here it is...it explains that the will does not specify the motive...But Mrs. Reade should know something about him because I've been directed:
(READING)
to seek out...etc...etc...and inform Martha Lawson Reade that "James Norton left her fifty thousand dollars with the stipulation that she forgive him and that she have a mass said for him every month."
ALFRED
(OVERWHELMED)
What was that? What was that? I don't think I heard right...Read it again, please...Read it again...
MR. BRUSH
(READING)
...that Mr...etc...etc...bequeaths to...etc.etc... fifty thousand dollars with the stipulation that she forgive him and that she have a mass said for him every month." Those are the textual words of the will.
ALFRED
(TO MARTHA)
Then there's something rotten in the state of California....You knew the gentleman!
MARTHA
(ALMOST INDIGNANT)
What are you raving about?
ALFRED
Obviously...if he says you must forgive him...and have monthly masses said for him! Now really, it stands to reason that.....
MARTHA
(RESENTFUL)
That what? What are you insinuating now? Do you, for a moment, think that....
ALFRED
(INTERRUPTING)
I do not think! But Mr. Broome, here,
MR. BRUSH
Excuse me, I'm Attorney Brush...
ALFRED
Of course...I can't remember names...Maybe you can't either...or maybe there are other "Martha Lawson's".
MR. BRUSH
There are...scores of them...
(OBVIOUS RELIEF ON ALFRED'S FACE)
MR. BRUSH
...especially since Mr. Norton's will was made public... and that is why I've taken such pains in my investigations.
(ALFRED CRESTFALLEN AGAIN)
MR. BRUSH
(PROUDLY)
It wasn't an easy matter but at last I've separated the chaff from the wheat and I'm certain that my search is at an end.
ALFRED
(DESPERATELY)
You're sure it's not chaff this time? Not even a little?
MR. BRUSH
Positive.
(TO MARTHA)
You are Martha Reade, nee Lawson, aren't you?
MARTHA
Yes.
MR. BRUSH
And you, Mr. Alfred Reade, you are her husband, aren't you?
ALFRED
ALFRED
(PREOCCUPIED)
You're the lawyer...
MR. BRUSH
Then all that remains to be done is to follow the legal procedure and collect the money. Whether or not you knew the deceased James Norton is of no importance. The fact remains that he has been very free... with his fortune... and he has left you, Mrs. Reade, the handsome sum of fifty thousand dollars...
ALFRED
It would have seemed much more handsome if he had left it to me, instead.
MR. BRUSH
What difference does it make who the nominal beneficiary is? The money is still coming to this house. Mr. Norton has proven to be your benefactor, too.
ALFRED
That is a debatable point. You see, five minutes ago my wife was enumerating the various ways of keeping husbands happy and now I find myself wondering...
MR. BRUSH
I'm wondering, too...
ALFRED
(ALARMED)
About what?
MR. BRUSH
(SNIFFING)
What that wonderful odor might be...
ALFRED
It might be the artichokes burning!
(INDIGNANTLY)
I hope you're satisfied with your day's work, Mr. Sweeper!
MR. BRUSH
MR. BRUSH
(NONPLUSSED)
Excuse me, it's "Broome"
ALFRED
That's not important. What is important is the fact that, today, you've not only made us ruin my favorite dish...
MR. BRUSH
(STARTLED)
I have?
ALFRED
(MORE AND MORE INCENSED)
...but you've also done a good job of ruining my home! You and your Mr. Norton and his measly fifty thousand dollars!
MR. BRUSH
(TO HIMSELF)
He's stark raving mad!
(TO MARTHA)
Mrs. Reade, you're a sensible....
MARTHA
(PIQUED)
I have nothing to say to you...
ALFRED
(IN A FURY)
Artichokes, speech and twenty years' happiness...all ruined by a prying nitwit of a lawyer who doesn't even know his own name!
END OF PART ONE
THIS SCENE SHOULD SUGGEST THE RAPID SPREADING AND EMBROIDERING OF JUICY GOSSIP. PHONES RINGING—HANDS PICKING UP THE RECEIVERS. VOICES ALONE FIGURE IN THE SCENE.
FIRST WOMAN'S VOICE
Have you heard the latest? The "ideal wife" we have in our midst?
SECOND WOMAN'S VOICE
That's a rich one!.. "Ideal wife" indeed. Wonder whether she'll still strike her "holier-than-thou" pose with us.
FIRST WOMAN'S VOICE
Now we can give her a dose of her own medicine!
DISSOLVE
(PHONE RINGS)
THIRD WOMAN'S VOICE
Hello, Darling, I was just about to call you. Have you heard about our "Lovely Rose of the Wildwood" upstairs? Martha Reade, of course. The "ideal wife" our husbands have been crowing about. It would serve them right if we did pattern ourselves on her as they have frequently suggested!
FOURTH WOMAN'S VOICE
I understand that her husband has refused the fifty thousand dollars and that it's been one squabble after another since the skeletons have come out of the closets. He had a pretty big one to hide, too, you know.
THIRD WOMAN'S VOICE
They can't fool their neighbors any more but they are still trying to hoodwink the public at large. I'm curious to know what the secret of their present happiness is.
FOURTH WOMAN'S VOICE
I hadn't planned to, originally, but now I must see the lovey-dovey farce they will have to stage at the dinner in their honor. It will almost be worth the preposterous cover charge we'll have to pay. "The Ideal American Couple" alias "The Battling Reades"!
THIRD WOMAN'S VOICE
Or it might even be a meller-drama entitled: "What Price Fifty Thousand Smackers?"
(WOMEN'S LAUGHTER)
DISSOLVE
(PHONE RINGS)
FIRST MAN'S VOICE
You're the editor of the paper that ballyhooed them as the "Ideal American Couple" and it's up to you to decide. Those of us on the Dinner Committee are afraid to go ahead with the original plans. Your rival editors are biding their time. If you give the dinner for the Reade's there will be no punches drawn and no holds barred...
SECOND MAN'S VOICE
You mean the Reade's will start scrapping again?
FIRST MAN'S VOICE
I mean your competitors will pitch into you and ridicule your paper, your writers, the contests you dream up and the contestants who win them.
SECOND MAN'S VOICE
Don't you think they will be even more ruthless if I call the whole thing off? Give me a few days' time before making a final decision. I've sent one of my finest men to California to ferret out the truth and to get the whole story on this Norton fellow: who he was, when and how he knew Mrs. Reade, why and when they stopped seeing each other.
FIRST MAN'S VOICE
Great idea. Sure I'll wait.
SECOND MAN'S VOICE
You'll hear from me as soon as I have all the information I want. It might be tomorrow, it might not be until the day after but I'll let you know.
DISSOLVE
SCENE THREE
SAME SET AS FOR PART ONE. MARTHA IS SEATED AS THE SCENE OPENS AND SANDRA IS STANDING NEAR THE WINDOW, HER BACK TO MARTHA. SANDRA IS PREOCCUPIED IN HER OWN THOUGHTS.
SANDRA
(TURNING AWAY FROM THE WINDOW AND CROSSING TO MARTHA)
What nonsense! Who would be conspiring against you?
SANDRA
Forgive me for harping upon it, darling, but I must be frank with you. There are all sorts of wild rumours that....
MARTHA
(DISDAINFUL - COLD)
I'm not interested.
SANDRA
(ON THE VERGE OF EXPLODING)
But you see, dear, it does interest me because I'm in the Woman's Auxiliary responsible for organizing the entertainment for the "Ideal Couple" dinner and we now find we're in a terrible... ("MESS" IS THE WORD INTENDED)
MARTHA
(DRILY)
That's no concern of mine. You and the Woman's Auxiliary may do as you please. It was your idea not mine.
SANDRA
Why do you take that attitude? Can't you see our side of it? All the tickets are sold, the entertainment booked and all arrangements made.
MARTHA
Just what do you expect me to do?
SANDRA
To tell me the truth. Open your heart - at least to your old and faithful friends - and tell me everything!
MARTHA
I've already told you all there is to tell. These last five days have poisoned all those years of happiness. Now it's as though I had always been unhappy... (BRIEF PAUSE)
It's a conspiracy. I know it's a conspiracy!
SANDRA
What nonsense! Who would be conspiring against you?
MARTHA
All the so-called "ladies" who felt cheated because I won the contest and who deluded themselves into believing they were....what I have been!
SANDRA
And was it those "ladies", too, who conspired to bequeath you fifty thousand dollars?
MARTHA
(RISING ANGRILY)
More insinuations! I've had enough of them from my husband and everyone else...I won't take any more!
SHE EXITS HURRIEDLY, SLAMMING THE DOOR. SANDRA, UNDECIDED, LOOKS FOR HER PURSE—FINDS IT—PREPARES TO LEAVE, JUST THEN ALFRED ENTERS. HE IS SILENT AND MOROSE AND MEANDERS ABOUT THE ROOM LISTLESSLY, HIS HEAD BOWED).
SANDRA
(AFTER SEARCHING HIM WITH HER GAZE)
Mr. Reade...The situation here is becoming more involved.
ALFRED
And so am I...
SANDRA
Something must be done!
ALFRED
Enough has been done already! We'd better not talk about it...My heart is heavy and full like that of an ox! My wife...I adored her....and now we're arch-enemies!
SANDRA
Have you tried persuading her with kindness? Have you talked her into telling you who that generous Mr. Norton was. It's hard to say, but sometimes...
ALFRED
I've tried everything. She denies it all. Just to encourage her to talk I even confessed to....er,er,er....a few trifling sins I had on my conscience...Er..er..er...you understand, we men.....I said to her: "I'll get on my knees before you and confess myself. You must try to ease your conscience too."
SANDRA
Of course, that's just what she should do... always had blind and unshakable faith in my wife and I should like...
ALFRED
(IRONICALLY)
We're all human... No one is perfect...
to make it up to her. But whenever I think of that Mass... Oh... SANDRA
I understand... I understand... We all know that... sometimes...
ALFRED STOPS PACING AND LOOKS AT SANDRA SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE A BULL LOWERING HIS HEAD AND PREPARING TO FACE DANGER)
SANDRA
Oh, nothing of any consequence, of course! An innocent flirtation....
(ALFRED CONTINUES STARING AT HER NOT TOO CONVINCED)
What woman has not had an admirer or two? Or a few suitors? Especially during her youth. What I mean is that perhaps if you encourage her to rake up the past...
ALFRED
It doesn't work! It's impossible to unseal her lips.
(STARTING TO PACE AGAIN)
That first night, after the scene I made, I began to cry. Believe me, it is better to argue and scrap every day; you become casehardened. But when you have had year after year of peace and happiness and then, suddenly, there is bitterness... it is terrible, unbearable. One drop of impurity can contaminate a whole reservoir!
SANDRA
How I pity both of you! The most admired and envied couple in town.
ALFRED
And now this ghost comes to spoil everything... At least, if Norton were still alive... I'd grab him by the collar and force him to tell what is behind all this. But he's dead and she's not talking! Do you see what the situation is?
SANDRA
(PICKS UP THE RECEIVING)
I certainly do... I certainly do...
(LOWERING THE MOUTHPIECE)
SANDRA
ALFRED
It's the editor of that paper which selected Martha. And yet, I'd still prefer not to believe. I've always had blind and unshakable faith in my wife and I should like... (SINCERELY) Send him to blazes! He's the one who started this whole thing to make it up to her. But whenever I think of that Mass... Oh... whenever I think of that Mass, I go wild.
SANDRA
(INTO THE PHONE)
(PUZZLED)
Which mass?
ALFRED
Oh, haven't you heard about that clause in the will? Why that's the clause that spoiled everything! Why? Let us be honest with ourselves: every one would like fifty thousand dollars. Who would refuse them? But... but... Ah! (OPENING HIS ARMS IN A GESTURE OF DESPAIR) ...When I heard the mass...
SANDRA
(MORE PUZZLED THAN EVER)
You heard the mass...?
ALFRED
I mean: when I heard that there was a clause referring to monthly masses... Tell me, what would you have done in my place?
SANDRA
But I don't understand...
(THE PHONE RINGS)
ALFRED
I'm not going to answer it! I have no explanations to give to anyone.
(HANGS UP THEN CALLS)
SANDRA
I'll answer it!
(PICKS UP THE RECEIVER)
Hello... Oh, yes, one moment please.
(LOWERING THE MOUTHPIECE)
SANDRA
It's the editor of that paper which selected Martha and yourself as the "Ideal Couple".
ALFRED
Send him to blazes! He's the one who started this whole rotten mess!
SANDRA
(INTO THE PHONE)
I'll call her right away... One moment please.
(CALLING)
Martha... Martha...
(THERE IS NO ANSWER)
Where is she?
(ALFRED SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS)
(SANDRA EXITS TO CALL MARTHA)
ALFRED
What does he want?
(HE LOOKS AT THE PHONE, IS UNDECIDED, AND FINALLY PICKS IT UP)
This is Alfred Reade speaking. What is it? Great news? Well hurry up, tell me...
(AS HE LISTENS HIS FACE LIGHTS UP WITH JOY)
Are you sure? There's absolutely no doubt about it? Well now, everything becomes clear... Certainly... Come right over... as fast as you can... Oh, of course, I knew it all the time! Of course, of course!
WHILE ALFRED IS STILL ON THE PHONE, MARTHA AND SANDRA ENTER
We'll be expecting you. Yes, my wife is here, too. Thank you, thank you and we'll see you soon!
(HE HANGS UP THEN CALLS)
Martha!
(HE TURNS AND SEES MARTHA IN THE ROOM)
My darling! Forgive me! Now we know everything. I was just speaking with the editor.
MARATHA
(COOL, IMPASSIVE, SHE LOOKS ON WITHOUT ANSWERING)
SANDRA
(ANXIOUS)
Come now, tell us...
ALFRED
We have found out who James Norton is. A reporter has discovered the truth. James Norton is the man responsible for your father's bankruptcy; he swindled him out of more than fifty thousand dollars!
SANDRA
Then this is his way of settling accounts?
ALFRED
Yes. Apparently he was overcome by remorse when he was on his deathbed...And since Martha is the only child of the man he ruined, she is the one he designated as his beneficiary. You see now why he sought her forgiveness and why he made that puzzling-and misleading- request for monthly memorial services.
(TRIUMPHANT)
I knew there must have been some such explanation...
MARATHA
(SITTING DOWN WITH AN OBVIOUS SIGH OF RELIEF)
(ASIDE)
I'm glad there was...What a scare I've had!
THE END
